Activities are parts of the workshop which involve participation. Each activity states the materials/props required, as well as instructions on how to carry it out.

Video clips are recommended to engage the participants and illustrate a specific point. Either a movie title with the exact timings or an Internet link will be suggested.

This icon indicates that the content can be found in the slides provided by Focus on the Family.

The icon indicates that participants should refer to their handbooks, usually either to complete an activity, or read up for more information. Here, the number indicates you should refer to page 7.

The icon indicates topics or questions for small group (4 to 6 participants) discussions if time permits.

The icon indicates specific instructions for the facilitator to take note of when delivering the content.

The icon indicates where it is appropriate for the facilitator to share a real-life story. It can be a personal anecdote or another person’s account of his/her experience. A sample story is typically provided.

This icon indicates extra content which the facilitator can use during the workshop if it is culturally appropriate and relevant.

This icon indicates extra activities which can be used as a take-home activity for participants or at a retreat where more than eight hours is given for the workshop. Typically, these activities would require more time.

This icon indicates Going Deeper into the topic. Encourage participants to spend more time reflecting on it.

This icon indicates Going Home. Encourage participants to discuss what they’be learned with their parents.

Objective

Warm participants up and introduce them to the topics to be discussed – Life, Love and Sex.

Instructions

1. Without giving any briefing, pick 8 volunteers (4 guys and 4 girls) to stand at a distance and try to hit any part of the target/slide.
2. After participants have had a go (and struggled with using the finger blaster or in aiming), the facilitator shows participants how to use the finger blaster and aim accurately.
3. Give participants a 2nd go at the target, aiming for the word (Life, Love or Sex), depending on what they think is the most interesting topic.
4. Explain that just as we don’t always hit the target, we may often find ourselves aiming and missing when it comes to understanding life, love and sex. Click next with the word “Truth” and Introduce the topics to be discussed in the workshop – it’s not just about sex, but we are here to discover the TRUTH about sex, love and relationships, which is what life is really about.

If the program is not delivered in the English language in your community, the words left and right may not translate well for the purpose of this activity.

Instructions

1. Ask participants to stand with their eyes closed (so that they cannot follow their friends) as you read a story (found below) aloud. Every time the words LEFT or RIGHT are read, volunteers are required to turn 90 degrees in that direction.
2. To make the activity more interesting, read the story fast, pause mid-sentence and emphasize LEFT/ RIGHT. Participants begin by facing the front.
3. At the end of the story, they should be facing their RIGHT.
4. Wrap up by saying that growing up can be as confusing as the activity, so we need to examine the truths about life, love and sex.

Necessities

• 1 x ball of string
• 1 x pair of scissors
• Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiNl-EL6vfk

Instructions

1. Before the workshop, cut out one string (per participant), each 150cm in length from a ball of string.

2. Tie an adjustable loop at each end of a string.

3. See the video instruction on how to untangle – the solution for this activity as a preparation.

4. During the workshop, hand out a string to each participant.

5. Ask participants to find a partner of the same sex.

6. Ask the participants to put a loop on each end of the string on their hands like a handcuff.

7. After this, with their partner, one of them will take the string out from one hand, cross it with their partner’s string, and put it back on. (see video instruction)

8. Inform participants there are only two rules to this activity:

• Don’t take the strings out of their hands,
• and don’t break or cut the string.

9. With these two rules, the objective is to free themselves from their partner. They have until the music stops to free themselves. Go!

10. Debrief by asking:

• What can we learn from this activity?
• When you have a problem, what can you do to solve it?

Objective

Introduce participants to the right idea of love and sex.

Necessities

• 8 balloons
• (A3/A4 paper size) “Myth or Truth?” statements
• Pins/needles
• Sticky/Masking tape
• Post-it/colored tape/stickers
  

Instructions

1. Before the workshop, inflate the balloons and stick them all around the room on the whiteboard or wall. Stick one “Myth or Truth?” card and a balloon beside the card.

2. During the workshop, put on the “What they say about love and sex” slide and explain to the group that these are some statements that we hear with regard to teenagers, love and sex.

Facilitator to choose a maximum of eight sentences that reflect the myths prevalent in your local community from the statement below.

3. Give the participants five minutes to walk around the room to read the statements. If they think that the statement is a myth, they should stick a post-it/colored tape/sticker on the balloon to “vote” for the balloon to be burst.

4. Ask a volunteer to stand by each balloon and give them each a needle/pin.

5. Go through each commonly held belief. Ask those who have voted for the balloon to be burst to give their reasons. When established that the statement is a myth, ask the volunteer to burst the balloon. Where it is a truth, leave the balloon intact.

Facilitators should use this time to briefly explain why the statement is a myth or truth, and mention that it will be covered in the rest of the workshop. There is no need to go in-depth; the objective of this activity is for participants to start thinking about the commonly held beliefs of love and sex.

It just sort of happened…

But it doesn’t just “sort of happen.” It is when boundaries are not drawn clearly and teenagers do not think about the consequences of their actions that they find themselves caught in compromising situations and one thing leads to another.

Objective

Participants to understand the value of each unique person.

Instructions

• Pick one participant to answer the multiple-choice question on the slide. You might want to frame it as though it’s part of a popular game show.

Suggestion: If participants are not forthcoming in volunteering, you can ask for the participant with the highest score in math or the oldest participant by birthday.

1. Ask, “What is the probability of you being born (as you)?”

• (a) 1 in 2 million
• (b) 1 in 200 million
• (c) 1 in 20 million
• (d) 1 in 2 billion
• (The answer is b.)
• Reason: The semen released during a single ejaculation contains about 200 million sperm. Only a few sperms reach the egg, with only one chosen sperm completing the journey to fertilize the egg. In the case of fraternal twins, two sperms fertilize two eggs. Identical (in appearance) twins come from a single fertilized egg that divides into two separate embryos.

2. Ask:

• What’s the world’s population?
• What’s [your country’s] population?
• The estimated world population is close to 8,000,000,000 (as of December 2021). Your country’s population should be easily obtained from the Internet.

3. Did you know?

• There are more than 8 billion people on the planet, yet nobody has the same fingerprint as you!
• No one can produce a voice identical to yours! Everyone’s vocal cavities (throat, nasal and oral cavities) differ slightly in size, and your vocal cords have a different shape, length, and tension from the person beside you.1 In addition, the way your lips, teeth, tongue, soft palate, and jaw muscles help you produce words are minutely different from everyone else.2 All these small differences work together to produce a unique voice. While the differences are not audible, machines are able to pick up these small variations. This is why high-security systems include voice codes as one of the many security aspects needed to make a positive identification.
• The iris of your eye is completely unique! The colored pattern of our irises is determined genetically when we’re in the womb and is fully formed around the time we are two years old. Not only are our irises different from another person’s (even for identical twins), the patterns of a person’s left and right irises are different from each other.
• If you write your DNA code on paper, it would form a book 23 stories high! You are unique (with a unique DNA) at fertilization. When a sperm reaches the egg, a chemical reaction causes the egg to seal up, so no other sperm can join with the egg. At the same time, the sperm releases its DNA information, and it pairs with the DNA from the egg to form a complete human DNA strand. This is the first cell from which an entire person will grow. The DNA in this cell can only be formed by this specific egg and specific sperm. If any other sperm had fertilized the egg or if fertilization had occurred during a different menstrual cycle, a different person would have been created.

4. Emphasize the point that there’s only one of you – and that’s really special. No one is exactly like you. Ask participants to tell the person next to them that they are unique!

Objective

The human person is multi-dimensional.

Necessities

• Plain white bedsheet (or a few large flipboard paper joined and sticked together)
• Washable markers
• 2 volunteers of the same sex, preferably guys

Instructions

1. Have one volunteer lie down on the bedsheet facing up and the other volunteer traces his body outline using the marker provided.

2. Upon completion, have the two volunteers hold up the bedsheet for everyone to see.

4. Highlight to participants that there is also the spiritual component that we cannot see but exists in all of us. It is our inner desire for someone or something higher than ourselves.

5. Get participants to recap the five components of a human person, without referring to the slides.

CORE ACTIVITY
Activity 3: The Human Chain

Objective

What one part of the body does affects the rest.

Necessities

• Prepare five (5) tags with one component of the human person (intellectual, social, emotional, physical, ethical) on each tag
• Five (5) volunteers of the same sex

Instructions

1. Have the five volunteers choose a tag to wear over their necks. Ask them to stand in a line facing the group, with their arms tightly interlocked. Explain that this represents the human person.

2. Tell the five volunteers that they must stay linked since they are considered as one. The chain cannot be broken no matter what happens.

3. Give the group a scenario and ask them which component of the human person is the most affected in the given scenarios:

Scenarios:

• Being reprimanded by your parents
• Experiencing a breakup
• Being in a car accident
• Smoking/taking drugs
• Having sex before marriage

4. For each scenario, ask the volunteers to take two steps forward if they feel their component is the most affected in the given scenario. (Ask the volunteers to return to their original position before moving on to the next scenario). The group will notice that the entire human-person chain moves whenever one person moves forward.

Think!

Development of the Five Components of the Human Person

Slowest development: Intellectual, the brain

Contrary to long-held beliefs that the brain was mostly developed by the end of childhood, research has shown that teenagers enter a second phase of brain development at the onset of puberty.[3] This phase of development increases the capacity for more mature judgment and impulse control, as brain activation gradually shifts from the amygdala (the emotions center) to the frontal cortex of the brain (the reason and logic center).[4] What this means is that a young person’s brain, especially the part that controls decision-making, is still growing and developing. In most young people, this phase of brain development ends in their early 20s.[5]

Fastest development: Physical, the body

Everyone goes through a period known as puberty. For girls, this usually takes place between the ages of 10 to 12, although some may find puberty starting as early as 9. For boys, the same process begins slightly later, usually between 12 to 14 years old. During this period, a child’s body goes through various changes to take on a more “adult” look; girls develop breasts and start to have their period, while boys develop more hair around their face and body, their voices break and their sex organs become more developed. For most youths, the process is complete by the age of 16. By then, they are physically able to perform as an adult.

How can you challenge yourself to grow in each of these areas? Name some examples.

• Intellectually
• Emotionally
• Socially
• Ethically

Examples may include: reading a book that is not easily understood and looking deeper
or discussing the topic with someone, having a meal with people outside of one’s “clique,”
controlling one’s temper by counting to 10 when one usually blows up, keeping one’s promises if one has a habit of breaking them.

• Family (e.g. 2 cats, only child):
• Friends:
• Interests:
• Career Goals:
• Education:
• Values:
• Personality:
• Fashion Style:

CORE ACTIVITY
Activity 1: Aim and Shoot

Objective

To demonstrate the importance of setting goals.

Necessities

• Newspapers
• An empty box

Instructions

1. Prepare beforehand without the participants’ knowledge an empty box placed at one corner of the room. 

2. Give each participant a piece of newspaper. Ask them to tear the newspaper into three parts and crush it into three paper balls.

3. Ask participants to take one paper ball and “throw it at the count of three.” You would expect to see paper balls thrown in different directions.

4. Ask participants to take the second paper ball and “throw it forward at the count of three.”

5. Finally, ask participants to take the third paper ball and “throw it into the empty box at the count of three.” Some of the paper balls will land in the empty box.

Facilitators should not give more instructions than what is needed at each point. First paper ball—“throw,” second paper ball—“throw it forward,” third paper ball—“throw it into the empty box.”

6. Explain to participants that having a goal is like knowing where to aim the paper balls. If they are aimless and do not plan ahead, it is likely that they will not achieve anything in the end (like with the first paper ball). However, if they spend time to set clear and specific goals, they are more likely to reach, or at least arrive close, to them (third paper ball).

Activity 2:
Dream Big. Think Smart

Objective

To help participants to start thinking of their future and work towards it.

Necessities

• Student workbook
• Pen/pencil
• Inspiring, soothing background music

Instructions

1. Ask:

• What are dreams to you?
• What are some of the obstacles that can stand in the way of our dreams?

3. Ask these questions to get the participants thinking:

• What is one thing you’ve never done and always wanted to do?
• Where do you want to be in 10 years’ time?
• If money is not an issue, what would you like to do for a living?

5. Give the participants 7 to 10 minutes to write down their responses, starting with the shortest-term goal (one year) and progressing to the longest-term goal (10 years), giving some examples of your personal dreams to get them going. Play an inspiring soundtrack in the background for ambiance.

Ask these questions to help participants consider the external influences on their dreams and goals:

• If I am dating someone right now, how does this person support or not support my dreams and goals?
• Do my friends and peers provide a supportive environment for my dreams and goals? If not, what changes do I need to make?
• Am I engaging in any risky behavior that may stop me from achieving my dreams and goals?

For example, for a young woman who wants to be a veterinarian or teacher, getting pregnant in high school/secondary school would set back or end her education and may prevent her from achieving her dream.

6. After the participants have written down their responses, ask them to evaluate their one-year goal according to S.M.A.R.T.

• Specific– Do you know exactly what you want to accomplish? Is it detailed? For example, general goal – I want to be healthier; vs specific goal – I want to have a more balanced diet by ensuring my meals consist of fruits and vegetables.
• Measurable – Are you able to assess/evaluate your progress?
• Attainable – Is the goal humanly achievable at this stage?
• Relevant – Is the goal in line with what you want for your life?
• Time-sensitive – Have you set a deadline for completion?

This activity can also be done in pairs or small groups, with each participant evaluating a friend’s goals.

• “The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.” – Michelangelo, 16th-century Italian painter

Activity 2:
Obstacles to Goals

Objective

It may not be so easy to achieve our goals, but it is possible. Ask participants to list all the obstacles to their goals as specifically as possible. After that, participants should fit the obstacles under one of the three categories found in their handbook: Risky Behavior, Character Flaws, or Circumstances. Examples of obstacles to their goals could be:

Risky Behavior

Drinking and driving, casual sex, taking drugs, hanging out too much (idle), getting into fights, and smoking cigarettes.

Character Flaws

Disrespectful, lacks honesty, irresponsible, selfish, unkind, lazy.

Circumstances

Chronic health issues, parents can’t afford the “extras” – just the basic necessities, the parent loses a job, are bullied in school, parents are separated.

This activity may reveal that circumstances do not make up the majority of the obstacles. Although circumstances are usually not within our control, we can determine our response to them through our behavior and character. People who can really see how different obstacles may deter their dreams will be better prepared to come up with alternative plans and continue moving forward in their lives.

• “You can’t keep a bird from flying over your head, but you can sure keep it from building a nest in your hair.” – Martin Luther

List actions you can take to help secure your future goals. Examples might include avoiding
relationships that may distract you from working toward your goals, studying hard, volunteering in the community and staying healthy and physically fit.

Seek out a handful of supportive people (parents, friends, a trusted adult, youth pastor) who will support and encourage you in achieving your dreams and goals. Write the names of these people in the handbook.

CORE ACTIVITY
Activity 1: The Character Test

Objective

To create self-awareness of their own character.

Necessities

• White board/flip chart
• Student handbook (to insert page number)
• Pen/pencil
• Markers
• Soothing background music

Instructions

1. Ask participants to list down as many good character traits as they can, starting with the letter A and all the way to the letter Z.

If the program is not delivered in the English language in your community, ask participants to list ten good character traits.

Examples of good character traits:

• Affirming, Commitment, Compassion, Diligence, Respect, Responsibility, Patience, Trust, Service, Kindness, Loyalty, Integrity.

2. To help participants start thinking about their own character, ask, “How do you think you measure
up against these character traits?”

3. Give participants 10 minutes to complete the character test in their handbook pg 15-17.

4. Play soothing music in the background to create a relaxed atmosphere.

5. After they finish, have participants calculate scores to rate their character.

6. Ask participants which were their top three traits and affirm them for it.

7. Help participants to evaluate their top three character traits – ask, “Would your friends say that you possess these traits?”

8. Ask participants to take note of an area of character they would particularly like to work on and
retake the test in a few months to see if they have improved.

Share real-life stories of people who:

Take-Home Activity:
Pause. Replay. Fast Forward

Your character traits show up in your actions. Think about how you have displayed some of the
character traits that you have.

Pause

Identify your top three character traits from the character test.

Replay

Try to remember three incidents in the past where you have clearly displayed these character traits.

Fast Forward

Picture people gathered at your memorial service. What would you like them to be saying about you?

Activity 1: What Makes a Good Friend?

Objective

To reflect on what constitutes a good friend.

Necessities

• Student handbook
• Pen/pencil
• Background music

Instructions

1. Rate the descriptions below by circling the appropriate emoji. Circle 😠 if the description is that of a bad friend, and 🤩 if a good friend.

2. At the end of the activity, read out 12 descriptors from the full list and ask participants to share their responses by a show of hands when it describes a good friend. Alternatively, you can ask the participants to stand when it describes a good friend and sit when it describes a bad friend.

3. Ask participants:

• From the list that was read out, what is the one that you dislike the most?
• Have you ever acted this way to any of your friends?
• How would you like your friends to treat you?
• Do you treat your friends this way too?

4. Share about a good friend of yours and why you consider him/her so.

Going Deeper

Types of Friends

Acquaintances: people you know by face, but would probably not hang out with outside of school

Your clique: people you hang out with, with whom you feel a sense of belonging

Close friends: people you call your BFF (Best Friends Forever)/Brother; they know “everything”
about you

Friendships don’t happen overnight.

What Makes a True Friend?

• “A true friend stabs you in the front.” – Oscar Wilde
• “A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling.” – Arthur Brisbane

A true friend is one who is real with you and with whom you can be real to. But having good friends often starts with us being a good friend. Only then can good friendships be built.

Going Deeper

How to Build a Friendship

Character

A key quality that is essential to friendships is trust and honesty. You should be a good influence to your friends.

Good Judgment

You need good judgment to recognize a good friend from a bad friend, and you should respond appropriately.

Patience

Good relationships take time and effort to develop. A friendship that goes through the ups and downs of life becomes stronger.

Courage

You need courage to make friends and handle rejection. Sometimes you need courage to speak up when something is wrong.

Friendship 101 – Making your friendship stick

Remember. Remember stuff about your friend, especially the important stuff, such as what they like, what they don’t like, their birthday, etc.

Be real. There are acquaintances, and there are friends. Friends go deeper than the surface. Be honest with your friends – don’t pretend to be nice in front of them while gossiping about them behind their backs.

Be understanding. Listen to your friend, even when both of you are having an argument, before rushing to defend yourself. Try looking at things from their point of view. There’s always some give and take in friendships.

Be sensitive. Don’t be too caught up with yourself and fail to notice when your friend is feeling down or ill. Also, when talking about touchy issues like boyfriends/girlfriends and family situations, handle with care.

Don’t leech. Don’t cling to your friends 24/7 like a leech. Give your friend his/her space, and take that time to get to know others too.

Be there. Don’t become an imaginary friend either. Occasionally drop them a line, hang out with them or give them a little gift to show that you care about them. SMS or email only as a last resort – real connection is always better. Make time for your friend in good times and bad, even if you’re the only one sticking by him/her – that’s when they need you most.

Take-Home Activity:
The Test of Friendship

Find out what kind of friend you are by taking a short quiz on friendship. Calculate scores. A score of 40 indicates that you are a true friend in all circumstances. A score of 25 – 39 indicates that you’re a good friend but there is room for improvement. A score of 15 – 24 suggests that you need some work in learning to put friends first before yourself. A score below 15 suggests that you need major work in brushing up on your friendship skills.

The Influence of Friends

Peer Pressure

Everyone needs to feel like they belong — to fit in. You tend to feel connected and accepted with people who share similar interests. Before deciding to do something, we often ask ourselves, “What will my friends think?”

Is Peer Pressure Always Bad?

Positive Peer Pressure:

• Being encouraged to do something that you didn’t have the courage to do
• Being convinced NOT to do something that could be bad for you
• Being motivated to do something good together

Negative Peer Pressure:

• Being pushed into something that you don’t want to do
• Being persuaded to do something that goes against your values or beliefs
• Being pressured to prove you’re brave enough to try something that you know is wrong

• Note: Peer pressure can take the form of rejection, ridicule or reasoning. It is important therefore to think about whether you are subject to positive or negative peer pressure. The kind of friends you hang around will determine whether you can practice or express your values.

Share real-life stories of how young people are influenced by friends, for example:

• My classmate used to be top of our class but his results deteriorated because he started hanging out with friends who were involved with gangs and engaged in high-risk behavior. It came to a point where he had to change classes as he wasn’t performing up to minimum standards.

Activity 2: Staying Strong

Objective

To demonstrate the importance of establishing strong personal values.

Necessities

• Chair
• Two [2] volunteers of the same gender, preferably male

Instructions

1. Have one volunteer stand on the chair and the other on the ground next to him.

2. Explain that the volunteer on the chair represents a person with high standards who is honest, caring, humble, smart, responsible and is always ready to help others. On the other hand, the volunteer on the ground represents a person with low standards, who encourages his friend to engage in vices and does not have any respect for people.

3. Tell the volunteers that at the count of three, the one on the chair has to try pulling his friend up towards him, while the one on the ground has to try pulling his friend off the chair simultaneously.

4. It will be easier for the participant on the ground to pull his friend down from the chair. This demonstrates that it is easy to be influenced by bad companies, but it takes more effort to influence others to a higher standard.

It is important to have clear convictions and standards and surround yourself with people who can help you keep to these standards. A person who sets standards is less likely to compromise and give in to peer pressure.

CORE ACTIVITY
Activity 3: Who Will Make the Difference?

Objective

To encourage participants to be the positive influence.

Necessities

• Two 500 ml bottles
• Red food coloring
• Colorless liquid bleach
• Dropper
• 1 volunteer

Instructions

1. Prepare beforehand two 500 ml half-filled bottles, one with water and the other with bleach.

2. Hold up the bottle of water and explain to participants that this bottle represents a person with no standards.

3. Add a drop of red food coloring [or povidone-iodine/ Betadine antiseptic] and swirl the bottle. Explain to participants that the food coloring represents the negative influences a young person faces, eg, pressure to have sex, smoke, drugs, drink, skip class, use foul language, etc. If the person has not set standards regarding important issues in life, he/she will be like the water which takes on the color of the dye – easily influenced.

4. Hold up the second bottle, but do not reveal to participants that it is filled with bleach instead of water. Explain to participants that this bottle represents a person who has set high standards in life. Add a drop of red food coloring and swirl the bottle. The liquid should not take on the color of the dye, representing that a person who has pre-set standards will not be easily influenced.

5. Slowly, pour the water with red coloring into the bottle with bleach. Ask the participants to watch how the red-colored water is not able to ‘contaminate’ the clear “water.” Explain to them that a person with standards is able to withstand peer pressure.

6. Finally, pour the bottle with bleach into the bottle with red coloring. Explain to them that not only is a person with standards able to withstand peer pressure, but they are also able to influence their friends for good. Encourage participants to be the influencer and not the ones being influenced. Encourage participants to be the influencer and not the ones being influenced.

Influence goes both ways.

Instead of being influenced negatively by others, you can influence and inspire others to do the right thing.

Facilitators’ note: Some brands of bleach work better than others so facilitators will need to test the experiment beforehand.

Activity 4: State It. Sell It. Move It.

Objective

To demonstrate how to withstand peer pressure.

Necessities

• 1. Scenario cards (1 per group of 3-5 participants)

Instructions

1. In small groups, get participants to think of and discuss possible responses to one of the scenarios below, using the State It. Sell It. Move It. method. (You can replace scenarios to reflect what is prevalent in your local community.)

Assign participants into different breakout rooms. Get participants to think of and discuss possible responses to one of the scenarios below, using the State It. Sell It. Move It. method.

You can replace scenarios to reflect what is prevalent in your local community.

Scenarios:

• Your friend forgot to study for an exam. He/she asks you to help him/her by sitting close enough so that he/she can see your answers.
• Someone keeps offering you alcoholic drinks at a party, and your friends around you are getting drunk.
• Your boyfriend/girlfriend suggests you go over to his/her house because nobody’s at home, and you know he/she wants to get intimate (have sex) with you.
• Your friend at school is experimenting with drugs and wants you to smoke a joint with him/her.
• Several of your friends dare you to skip class and go shoplifting instead.
• A group of friends gets together to study for finals. After several hours, a girl offers the group a form of stimulant.
• Several friends get together and go to a party. After the party, you find out that the designated driver is drunk.
• Your boyfriend/girlfriend invites you over to his/her house after school. He/she tells you his/her mom is home, but when you arrive, you find that there’s no one at home.
• You and a friend are at a store together. You see your friend slip something into his/her pocket.
• A friend wants to show you a porn site he/she accidentally stumbled upon while doing some online research for a homework assignment.

2. Get the groups to role-play the scenarios and their recommended responses.

It is important for us to know beforehand what we will say to someone who tries to pressure us into an unhealthy situation. Every young person has the opportunity to move with or against the crowd. It takes courage to go against the crowd, especially when you are the only one. In practicing refusal skills, there are three easy steps to remember. Within each step are various suggestions for people to make their case.

State It: Say “NO” and tell them why.

• Expand on saying “NO,” “I don’t think so,” or “That’s not a good idea. Can you think of something else?”, “Forget it,” or “Count me out!”
• Use reverse pressure: “I can’t believe you want me to do that!” or “Are you kidding? Why would I want to do that?”
• Back it up with facts: “It is possible to get addicted to smoking. No thanks, I don’t want to get started.” Or “I read a story in the newspaper about a kid that was killed by a drunk driver. I don’t want to die that way; I’ll get a cab.”

Sell It: Propose an alternative.

• Joke about it: “I’d rather go to the movies. Besides, I heard alcohol is actually loaded with sugar. I’m eating enough chocolate for me to gain the extra weight.”
• Encourage: “I’d rather go to my place and watch a video with our friends. Besides you’re too sensible to want to drink and drive.”
• Reverse pressure: “I can’t believe you would ask me to do that. Don’t you want to go meet our friends for coffee?”

Move It: Act on your plan and leave the door open for the other person(s) to follow.

• Restate the problem: “OK, let me get this straight. You want me to steal a bottle of liquor, drink it with you and then drive out to the beach – all without getting caught? This is crazy – I’m going to the movies, having coffee afterward, and then home. Are you coming?” (Walk away and don’t look back.)
• Be assertive: “Guys, I’ve said what I am going to do – are you coming?” (Walk away and don’t look back.)
• Joke about it: “I’m glad you guys want to pretend you are in the movies with your crazy plan, but I’m going to play football.” (Walk away and don’t look back.)

The key is to stick to the plan and don’t compromise. Walk away and don’t look back.

Activity 1: A Brainteaser

Objective

Every young person goes through the somewhat complicated process of finding his/her identity.

Instructions

1. Put on the “A Brainteaser” slide and ask participants to solve it.

• The boy has to bring the wolf, chicken, and sack of corn across the river.
• Using the boat, he can only bring one item over at a time.
• The wolf should never be left alone with the chicken, and the chicken should never be left alone with the corn.

2. Solution:

• Bring the chicken across the river and leave it on the other side.
• Take the corn across the river, leave it there, and bring the chicken back.
• Leave the chicken, take the wolf, and bring it across.
• Leave the wolf with the corn, and return to get the chicken.

3. Going through the teenage years is a lot like solving this brainteaser. Figuring out who we are and whether we are good enough seems impossible initially, and it is often complicated by intertwining issues. However, with patience, perseverance, and careful step-by-step planning, we can work through the difficult issues in our growing-up years.

CORE ACTIVITY
Activity 2: Feelings of Inferiority

Objective

Doubts about our self-esteem are normal, but they don’t define us.

Instructions

1. Put on the “Can you identify?” slide.

• To help students identify the feelings of inferiority in their lives and realize the threat it has on their self-esteem, ask participants to check the thoughts that have gone through their mind in the past week or month.

2. At the end of the activity, have them total the number of checks and conduct a quick survey of the group’s response. Assure participants that they are not required to share the details of their responses but only the number of statements checked.

Replace statements to reflect what is prevalent in your local community.

• Nobody likes/loves me.
• It doesn’t matter if I go to school today; nobody would notice anyway.
• I’m all alone.
• I’m not as good as other people.
• I wish I was as good at [insert a popular sport in the school] as him/her.
• I’m a failure.
• I hope he/she notices me instead of my friend.
• I’m fat.
• I’m too short.
• There’s nothing special about me.
• I’m not pretty/good-looking enough.
• I wish I could just disappear so I won’t be laughed at anymore.

3. Explain to participants that everyone at some point feels this way, especially teenagers, because their body is going through an intense period of change. But these feelings are not equal to fact.

• “These are the feelings of inferiority, which can be defined as feeling little or less importance, value or merit.” – Merriam Webster

The Canyon of Inferiority

The feeling that we’re just not good enough can be compared to a very deep valley that makes us miserable all the time.

We fall into the canyon when we:

• allow others’ words or opinions to determine how we see ourselves
• compare ourselves with others
• keep trying to meet others’ expectations
• become too critical about ourselves when we fail

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a better person or having high standards, but the problem starts when we end up being “people-pleasers.” If we are unable to manage the disappointment of failing, it is easy for us to slip into this canyon of inferiority.

For example:

• A 22-year-old Chinese lady is planning to undergo extensive cosmetic surgery so that she can look like Jessica Alba – the Hollywood star whom her ex-boyfriend is obsessed with. She hopes to win back the love and affection of her ex-boyfriend with her new look.
  https://www.reuters.com/article/us-woman-alba-idUSTRE6134TQ20100204
• A 26-year-old Vietnamese man undergoes radical plastic surgery after getting mocked by a job interviewer. The alteration was so drastic that he no longer resemble his former self.
  https://mothership.sg/2021/03/vietnam-man-plastic-surgery/

Why do I feel this way?

• Adolescence is a time of change – physically, mentally, and emotionally. Physically, our body is growing and developing. Mentally, we are maturing and learning to think for ourselves. The emotions we feel are more intense.
• It is a time when we are most sensitive to what others think, say, and feel about us. As such, it is also the time when we are the most easily influenced.

Alternative Route Ahead!

Recognize that you are not alone

• If you take some time to observe other youths, you will realize that beneath the laughter and smiles are many who struggle with self-esteem. Everyone is going through the same changes. You are not alone.

Face your problem

• Spend some time thinking about what it is that makes you feel bad about yourself and rank them according to the extent that they bother you. Then, pick one to work on with a friend who can keep you accountable. Eg, if you hate the way you blow up every time your younger brother borrows your books without permission, you could talk to your older sister and ask her to help you keep your cool should it happen again.

Compensate for your “weaknesses”

• Not everyone can be the best-looking guy or most intelligent girl in school. But just because you can’t be the best at something, it doesn’t mean you can’t be good at something else. Take part in different activities to find out what you’re really good at. It could be playing an instrument, a sport, or even spelling. Once you know what it is, work on it. You will find that you get a confidence boost each time you do well.

Have genuine friends

• Nothing helps your self-confidence more than genuine friends. Genuine friends don’t hang out with you because you are pretty, intelligent, or rich; they hang out with you because they like who you are.

• [Taken from Preparing for Adolescence, by Dr. James C. Dobson]

Activity 3: Esteem Builder

Objective

Helping teens to encourage one another and appreciate their own uniqueness.

Necessities

• Post-it notes

Instructions

1. Instruct students to form groups of three to four persons

2. Ask participants to write down one encouragement for each of the categories:

• Goals & Dreams [e.g. I believe I will be a great “ __ ” one day]
• Good Character [e.g. I stand by my belief that “honesty is the best policy”]
• Strength [e.g. I like the fact that I am a kind person]

3. Ask participants to write down one encouragement for each person in their group.

• Then ask:
• How did it feel to receive encouragement?
• How did it feel to give encouragement?

Even if our feelings of inferiority are true, they don’t define us. Instead, they make us unique! Let’s learn instead to encourage one another and appreciate our own uniqueness.

Conclusion

Who Am I?

You are UNIQUELY you – as male or female – whole, valuable, created for healthy relationships and a future of hope!

Going Deeper

It’s OK Not to Be OK

Journey from barely holding on to holding strong.

The demands of teenage life can make them feel worried, stressed, or even sad. Everybody struggles with emotional well-being. It’s okay to feel all kinds of emotions and it is important to acknowledge and accept our feelings.

Positive emotion is often neglected in our journey of mental wellness. Positive Emotion Rating Scale (PERS) is a newly invented self-report questionnaire to measure positive emotions in people struggling with their emotions.

The information in this document is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. When you feel overwhelmed, please reach out to a counselor or a responsible adult to help you process your emotions.

Mental Health and Other Serious Issues
Facilitators need to be aware of their own limitations and are strongly advised to refer participants to relevant organizations for further intervention and assistance with issues of mental health, sexual abuse, neglect, violence, or other serious family issues.

Going Home

• We live in a media-saturated culture where reality, truth, standards, and character are in the minority. The Internet, music, social media, streaming services, and the explosion of the worldwide movie industry all contribute to the global influence of media. A quick overview of teens’ Instagram reels and TikTok videos reveals a variety of unhealthy messages in their stories and content.

• While some celebrities and influencers have used social media to promote healthy living or positive self-image, others tend to give the impression that the ends justify the means, even if it means hurting others. In addition, the way media is set up these days, there’s an unhealthy promotion of non-sexual voyeurism – watching and gaining entertainment through the everyday lives of others.
• It is therefore essential that teens develop a “filter” through which they can examine the messages they receive from the media.

Going Deeper

Additional information on helping young people develop “critical autonomy” from the Center for Media Literacy, a research-based media literacy framework.

The Five Core Concepts

All media messages are constructed.

1. Key question to ask: Who created this message?

• Media messages are constructed using a creative language with its own rules.

2. Key question to ask: What creative techniques are used to attract my attention?

• Different people experience the same media message differently.

3. Key question to ask: How might different people understand this message differently?

• Media have embedded values and points of view.

4. Key question to ask: What values, lifestyles, and points of view are represented in, or omitted from, this message?

• Most media messages are organized to gain profit and/or power.

5. Key question to ask: Why is this message being sent?

• https://www.medialit.org/reading-room/literacy-21st-century-overview-orientation-guide-media-literacy-education

CORE ACTIVITY
Activity 1: Spot!

Objective

To demonstrate to participants how easily media influences us.

Necessities

• Whiteboard, Markers

Instructions

1. Ask a participant to repeat the word “spot” ten times.

2. Ask the same participant to repeat the word “spot” ten times again, but this time at a faster speed.

3. Immediately ask, “What do you do when your car comes to a green light?”

• More often than not, the participant will answer “stop” even though the correct answer should be “go”.
• Debrief: Explain that repeated exposure to a particular message deposits seeds in our heads which grow and take root over time. Likewise, the media can influence the way we think unless we actively choose to filter out what is bad and retain only what is good (having discernment).

4. Ask: How would you define discernment?

• Possible responses: the ability to judge well, having the wisdom to tell the difference between good and bad, right and wrong; insights; intelligence.

5. How do you practice discernment when it comes to the media?

• Developing a critical eye toward media messages allows us to be active rather than passive recipients. The media bombards teenagers with distorted messages of love, relationships, manhood/womanhood, and sex. Discerning between healthy and unhealthy media messages will help us feel better about the decision to be sexually healthy.
• We have the power to change our streaming and video channels or decide what music goes into our playlists. We also have the power as consumers to demand higher quality videos and music (healthy holistic content and lyrics).

Activity 2: Lyrics Matter

Objective

To encourage participants to be discerning when listening to songs.

Necessities

• Selected song lyrics – preferably one with positive lyrics and one with negative lyrics.

Use song lyrics to reflect what is prevalent in your local community. Please ensure that your selection does not have overtly sexual, crude, or violent content that would offend or upset you.

Instructions

1. Ask: What makes a good song?

• [Possible answers could be tune, tempo, singer, lyrics, etc.]

2. Ask: Of those mentioned, which is the most important to you?

• [Explain that song lyrics may not be the first thing that captures our attention and we often start humming to a tune without knowing what the song is actually saying.]

3. Show the lyrics of the chosen song on a slide or play a portion of the song.

4. In small groups, ask the students to discuss the following questions:

• What is the “story” behind the song?
• What does the song say about love or relationships?
• Do the words or actions promote immediate gratification [just follow your feelings or desires for sex]?
• What kind of behavior is promoted, e.g., drinking, drugs, violence?
• If there is one value that this song promotes, what would you say it is?
• If you were a parent, would you want your teenage child to take the advice of this song?
• Do you agree with the lifestyle of the singers?

5. Emphasize that although lyrics seem to be “just words,” they can have a very strong effect on people’s emotions and actions. This is especially important seeing how a viral tune can assume control over popular social media platforms like TikTok, where everyone seems to be partaking in some form of dance or performance.

Recently, a UK study explored how “drill” music — a genre of rap characterized by threatening lyrics — might be linked to the attention-seeking crime. That’s not new, but the emergence of social media allows more recording and sharing.

However, studies have very mixed evidence … people who are already prone to violence might be drawn to violent music, but that doesn’t mean everybody who enjoys that music is violent.

Music can make us feel all sorts of emotions, some of which are negative, … And some can “bring people together and fuel these social bonds.” This can be positive as well as negative.

Music has power over our feelings. No other species has evolved in such a way to ascribe meaning and create emotional responses to music as humans. It is “part of our biological heritage” that music has not just a positive side to social bonding, but also a negative one. “We need to recognize that if we want to use music in positive ways.”

• https://edition.cnn.com/2019/02/08/health/music-brain-behavior-intl/index.html

CORE ACTIVITY
Activity 3: Techniques of Persuasion through Emotional Appeals

Objective

To encourage participants to be discerning and practice their evaluation skills through analyzing advertisements.

Necessities

• Student handbook.
• Two or three advertisements – preferably one with a positive message and one with a negative one.

Facilitator should find advertisements to reflect what is prevalent in your local community. There is also the option to use print advertisement. Please ensure that your selection does not have overtly sexual, crude, or violent content that would offend or upset you.

Instructions

1. Watch the advertisement and/or examine the print advertisements closely.

2. Using the list in the student workbook, track the emotional appeals used by the various advertisements. Tick the appropriate box each time you encounter that specific appeal.

3. Ask: Which appeals did you feel were more successful in getting your attention? Why?

4. Explain to the group that emotion plays a significant role in advertising.

• Advertisers know that if they can provoke an emotional reaction (either positive or negative), they can achieve the desired attitude toward their product. So it is wise that we do not buy into all the advertisements that are “selling” us, but to think and filter out what is unhealthy. Practicing discernment in this manner is vital to critical thinking and decision-making.
• While teenagers are not consuming advertisements in a conventional way through television and magazines, they are faced with sales pitches every day through social media, streaming videos, gaming apps, and the Internet. It is important to have some awareness and practice wise choices that better fit our needs, rather than being swayed by persuasive techniques employed by advertising companies.

Ask: Where do you find advertisements?

• Explain to participants that advertisements can be found everywhere. We can’t escape them. They are on buses, billboards, radio, TV, and before and after movies in the theatre. These are the “obvious” advertisements that we see.
• However, there are also “undercover” ads (product placement), which can be found in the shows and movies we watch.

Show an example of a movie or TV series with product placement.

• Examples can be found here:
• https://www.fastcompany.com/90675638/product-placement-is-a-23-billion- business-and-growing-heres-why-brands-keep-betting-on-it

Ask: What products or brands are placed in the shows?

• Explain to participants that because technology now allows people to watch programs without commercials (e.g., streaming video online, recording shows without recording the ads), companies are finding alternative ways to promote their products.

How much do you think the company pays to have its product placed in the movie/show?

• There isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach for every product placement, so there isn’t one price for every company. Television networks are built around an advertising model and have higher audiences than movies do, in general.
• Night-time talk shows, for example, have a high price tag because they have big audiences. Companies can expect to pay upwards of $1 million to have a product placed. Often, this number can be much higher.
• https://www.popoptiq.com/how-much-do-companies-pay-for-product- placement-in-movies/

Why would companies be willing to pay money to have their products displayed in a movie/show?

• With product placements, the influence of advertising can be very subtle yet powerful.
• Product placements can have a significant effect on message receptivity, and raise brand awareness, recall, and recognition. Initial evidence suggests that consumers align their attitudes toward products with the characters’ attitudes to the products, and product placements are associated with increased purchase intent and sales.
• https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.456.5884&rep=re p1&type=pdf

Activity 4: Spot The Difference

Objective

To help participants develop a keen eye for what’s real or fake.

Necessities

• Use three or four examples of altered logos.
• Examples can be found here:
  https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/4350996/can-you-spot-the-real-brand-from- the-fake-weve-slightly-altered- 16-well-known-labels-to-test-your-brain/

Instructions

Get participants to guess which logo is the original and which is fake.

Ask: What would it take for someone to know which is the real or fake logo?

• [direct this question for those who got the answer correct]

What would it take for someone to develop a keen eye for what’s real and what’s fake in the media?

• [possible answers: in-depth research, education, check with other reliable people or sources]

Notes for facilitators:
According to commonsensemedia.org, most teens get their news from the Internet (https://www.commonsensemedia.org/press-releases/new-survey-reveals-teens-get-their-news-from-social-media-and-youtube). It’s vital to help teenagers develop a keen eye when it comes what they read online.

Questions to consider whenever teenagers encounter a piece of media:

• Who made this?
• Who is the target audience?
• Who paid for this? Or, who gets paid if you click on this?
• Who might benefit or be harmed by this message?
• What is left out of this message that might be important?
• Is this credible (and what makes you think that)?
• Does the website have unusual URLs or site names?
• Does the article have glaring grammatical errors, bold claims with no sources and sensationalist images?
• Who supports the site, or who is associated with it?
  https://www.commonsensemedia.org/articles/how-to-spot-fake-news-and-teach-kids-to-be-media-savvy

Activity 5: Netflix and Skill

Objective

To help participants develop discernment and make wise choices in their TV/movie consumption.

Necessities

• Use Emojis and ask participants to guess the movie
• Guess the Movie Game:

TV shows and movies can influence young viewers’ attitudes, desires, and behaviors. Without a doubt, entertainment influences our moods and emotions. It follows, then, that there must be some carry-over to our choices and actions. It’s interesting to note that most people believe a link exists between media and actual behavior, and studies show that sexual and violent media content is prevalent and that adolescents exposed to this content may be more likely to enact risky sexual and aggressive behaviors.

• (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8381682/)

While there are positive changes in young people’s attitudes after watching a movie (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7288198/), they still need to decide and discern the messages they receive from this popular media platform.

It almost goes without saying that few will allow the influence of the media turn to them into killers or rapists. But how many teens will draw upon the counsel of an erotic or explicit movie scene in a moment when they’re tempted by a member of the opposite sex?

How many will experiment with smoking or drugs simply because a popular television program made them sound appealing? The probability that teens’ actions will be at least somewhat influenced by their media choices is astronomical, especially considering the sheer volume of entertainment young people consume.

How would you choose your show/movie?

There may be useful information from this list but you can’t put total trust in them. Choosing a movie based on who’s in it, who made it, what it’s rated or the genre it’s from isn’t the total answer. Most actors and directors have good and bad movies on their resumes.

Previews (trailers) can show you the tone of a film, but they can’t give you the full story because they play it for the general audience. They normally will show retrain on nudity and gore.

Movie Summary is a helpful feature that explains the film’s rating. A typical summary might say something like “Rated R for graphic violence, drug use, sexual situations, and nudity.’ Those are useful details to have when you are trying to decide.

Depending on others to make your movie-going decisions for you is a mistake. Getting information that will help you make your own decisions is a great idea. Helpful website: www.pluggedinonline.com

The 4 types of shows/movies you should stay clear of:

1. Blasphemous shows/movies

• These are shows that make fun of religion or portray them in unflattering or disrespectful ways.

2. Occultic shows/movies

• There’s a difference between practicing the occult and watching movies about it, but the message still has an impact on us.

3. Sick shows/movies

• These are the type that causes people to shake their heads and ask, “What kind of twisted mind thinks up this stuff?”

4. Sex show/movies

• Movies that are more or less a compilations of sex scenes. Some people refer to them as “soft-core porn.” These movies have one purpose: to spark sexual fantasies. (see more teaching on the impact of pornography in module 2.3)

Guidelines for grey ones:

Even after we eliminate those no-brainer categories, there’s still a wide range of movies choice that contain sex, violence, vulgar language, or a combination of the three.

Set maximum time of acceptable sex scenes? Maximum body count? Point system for counting swear words?

Any numbers will be too low or high. Instead, consider these questions when evaluating a show/movie:

1. What is the tone of the show/movie?

• Does it excuse or celebrate things that are detestable? Are sex and violence played for laughs and cheap thrills?

2. Is there a moral to the story?

• Are good characters rewarded or honored? Does the film show the consequences of making wrong choices? Does it at least suggest that crime doesn’t pay?

3. Can anything be learned from the show/movie?

• Is there anything that will make you a wiser or better-informed person? Besides being entertained, would you gain any other benefits by watching the film?

4. Will the movie worsen a problem you already have?

• If you’re already developing a swearing habit, it won’t help to see a film that features wall-to-wall profanity. If you are depressed, a dark, harsh story probably won’t bring you up. If you have trouble with sexual fantasies, a “teen sex comedy” just isn’t what the doctor ordered. To answer this question, you’ll have to be honest about your struggles.

5. Would you regret having scenes from this movie replay themselves later in your head?

• Like song lyrics, movie images can get lodged in your brain. That horror scene may come back to haunt you in the middle of the night. That sex scene may reappear when you’re trying to resist the temptation of getting too close to a girlfriend/boyfriend.

With some movies, the answers to these questions will be obvious, but with others, the answers will be harder to come by. You may feel like a geek at first, doing “research” and answering questions about something that’s “just” entertainment, but it’ll be worthwhile in the long run. When discernment becomes a habit, you’ll develop critical thinking and choose what’s best for your life.

Activity 1: Game On

Objective

To help participants understand the upside and downside of gaming, and how to enjoy immersive experiences, safely and responsibly while maintaining healthy limits.

Necessities

• Use three or four examples of gaming memes (Search the internet for images of “gaming memes”)

Use images to reflect some upsides and downsides of gaming. Please ensure that your selection does not have overtly sexual, crude languages or violent content that would offend or upset.

Instructions

You can get participants into small group discussions or get them to raise their hands for their choices. Get participants to choose the gaming memes that resonate with them most — the ones that they can identify with the most. Ask them to explain why.

After this interaction, proceed to ask the participants to tell you the upside and downside of gaming, and write it down on the whiteboard.

ASK: How do you think teenagers can game safely and responsibly, with boundaries and limits?

CORE ACTIVITY
Activity 1: Game On (alternative)

Objective

To help participants understand the upside and downside of gaming and how to enjoy the immersive experience safely and responsibly while maintaining healthy limits.

Necessities

• Whiteboard, Markers

Instructions

Get participants into small group discussions or get them to shout out their answers.

Ask participants to list down the pros and cons of virtual gaming.

Write them down on the whiteboard as the participants share their responses. Conclude this activity with questions.

ASK: How do you think teenagers can game safely and responsibly, with healthy boundaries and limits?

For deeper engagements, facilitators can further their discussion with these questions.

• How much time do you think is a good limit for gaming?
• Do you think violent video games cause people to become violent in the real world? Why or why not?
• Should you spend money on video games? Why or why not? If yes, how much money do you think you should spend?
• What video game boundaries do you think would be good for you? Why?
• What do you think is a good balance between screen activities and non-screen activities? How can you achieve that balance?
• When interacting with others online, what behaviors are unacceptable? What will you do if you see others engaging in that way?

Activity 2: Good Game

Objective

To help participants discover the elements that make gaming so appealing and its problems.

Necessities

• Screening a popular first-person shooting (FPS) video:

Instructions

Get participants into small group discussions, or get them to shout out their answers. Get them to discuss the thrills of video gaming and the potential pitfalls.

Ask: Why is it difficult to stop playing online games? What elements make it so appealing?

• [possible responses: the excitement of reaching a new level, don’t want to abandon gaming teammates, etc].

Are there specific genres of gaming that are more “addictive?”

• (e.g. versus candy crush, fruit ninja)

What can we learn from gaming?

• [possible responses: leadership, teamwork, potentially gaming a career, etc]

What are the problems with online gaming these days?

• [possible responses: vulgarities, violence Behaviors, excessive usage, escalation of addictive Behavior from more time to less relational engagement]

How do we strike a balance with being “addicted”?

The virtual world is a fascinating place because you can:

• Take on roles that you normally wouldn’t
• Do things you aren’t able to humanly do
• Choose your personality, physical appearance, and talents
• Be in control
• Escape the stresses of school, homework, family, bully, etc
• Be part of a larger story – the immersive experience of being part of a dynamic, complex, and interactive storyline that draws you into a new reality
• Socialize with others – make new friends through game invitations, texting, and working together to form team strategies.
• Make gaming into a career with the fast development of esports.
• Can improve cognitive skills, problem-solving, decision-making, strategic thinking, attention levels, manual dexterity, computer literacy, and can help kids in reading, math, and science (through moderate gaming)
• https://www.researchgate.net/publication/349489852_Using_Video_Games_to_Improve_Capabilities_in_Decision_Making_and_Cognitive_Skill_A_Literature_Review

The Problem with Virtual Gaming

Behavior – repeated exposure to gaming violence impacts behavior. Temperament does make certain people more susceptible to visual violence. Regardless of whether a person becomes violent because of virtual gaming, anyone can be desensitised to violence and calloused towards violence in real life. Repeated exposure to visual violence leads to a lack of empathy and compassion to real victims of violence.

• [https://www.apa.org/about/policy/resolution-violent-video-games.pdf]

Anti-Social – A lot of games have good content and encourage shy teenagers to connect with their peers, but the constant drive for players to react to challenges and obstacles as things to be destroyed creates anti-social messaging. This drive to win at all costs is how games are designed, and lighting up our brain’s reward centers with a dopamine hit with every success.

If we aren’t careful, this can result in impulsiveness, impatience, and irritability when gaming is interrupted. These behaviors tend to affect social skills to handle real relationships.

Video games are designed to light up our brain’s reward centers by offering continuous challenges, giving a little hit of dopamine with every success. If we aren’t careful, this can result in impulsiveness, impatience and irritability when gaming is interrupted.

• [https://dl.acm.org/doi/10.1016/j.chb.2011.07.014] [https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/shooting-video-games-health-1.4237361]

Limits – There are probably more screens than people in any given household. Gaming opportunities are everywhere – personal computer, game consoles, tablets, smartphones, etc. Furthermore, the internet provides a deluge of free games with no real restrictions or regulations of age limit, time spent and content. Sometimes, the content in these games can be totally opposite to our values, and you have no control over the images you see (sexual or violent in nature). Excessive usage may also lead to constant state of hyperarousal.

“Hyperarousal looks different for each person, and it can include difficulties with paying attention, managing emotions, controlling impulses, following directions and tolerating frustration.” – Fiona Swanson, clinical social worker in Psychiatry & Psychology in Mankato, Minnesota.

• [https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/are-video-games-and-screens-another-addiction]

Exposure – Killing is merely a way to remove an enemy without consequences. According to the American Academy of Paediatrics, 85% of video games, even those rated “E for Everyone,” contain some elements where a player harms another intentionally.

• [https://edition.cnn.com/2016/07/25/health/video-games-and-violence/index.html]

Addiction – Researchers have found functional and structural changes in the neural reward system in gaming addicts, by exposing them to gaming cues that cause cravings and monitoring their neural responses. These neural changes are basically the same as those seen in other addictive disorders.

• [https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnhum.2017.00248/full]

Mitch Prinstein, clinical psychologist and chief science officer for the American Psychological Association, expressed concern for how having the ability to project a different version of yourself into cyberspace might affect young people’s view of themselves when they’re not online. He says it’s “pretty dangerous for adolescents in particular,” because “the idea of being able to fictionalize your identity and receive very different feedback can really mess with a teenager’s identity. All of these new tools, and all of these new possibilities, could be used for good or for evil.”

You can game safely and responsibly, with healthy boundaries and limits, with these few guidelines.

Expand – Expand your gaming interest to explore places, people, and topics related to the game you enjoy. Go to a museum displaying historical items if you are interested in games with a cultural context. If you are into sports-related games, try the real thing. You’ll be surprised how enriching this will be.

Possibilities – Explore gaming beyond just playing. See how games are developed, such as the methodology of storyboarding, marketing, and voice-over talent. Explore creating your own game, applications, and software. The possibilities of turning your hobby into a career path can be exciting.

Balance – We know for a fact no matter how immersive and real the metaverse becomes, it will never ever replace face-to-face communication. Set a standard of consistency for gaming, and believe in the value of real-life relationships. Show maturity and respect in negotiating your gaming time with your parents. You’ll be surprised by how your parents will respond when you show responsibility.

Safety – Good gaming habits mean knowing how to stay safe online. Never reveal personal information to anyone, not even friends you know. Never arrange to meet someone in person who you have only met online without a trusted adult.

List – Determine a list of what you will or will not do. Set a time limit to my gaming, I will be respectful when engaging others online; I will share with a trusted adult when I have a negative experience while gaming; I don’t engage in mature-rated games (learn about the suitability of a game through the ESRB game rating categories: https://www.esrb.org), and don’t start a game if I have not fulfilled my other commitments like homework, chores, and projects.

For more in-depth understanding of the gaming world:

• https://www.psychologyofgames.com/archives/

Notes for facilitators:
Facilitators don’t need to play every game teenagers are playing, but it will help to know a few gaming terms and genres. Here are some basics:

Going Deeper

In 2018, the World Health Organization (WHO) classified gaming addiction (gaming disorder) as a mental health condition.

• “Studies suggest that gaming disorder affects only a small proportion of people who engage in digital- or video-gaming activities. However, people who partake in gaming should be alert to the amount of time they spend on gaming activities, particularly when it is to the exclusion of other daily activities, as well as to any changes in their physical or psychological health and social functioning that could be attributed to their pattern of gaming behavior. – WHO

Potentially problematic video gaming was found to be associated with positive effects but also with psychological symptoms, maladaptive coping strategies, negative affectivity, low self-esteem, a preference for solitude, and poor school performance.

The following questions are a simple screening tool to help teenagers process if their gaming habits are developing into something potentially harmful.

• Adapted from Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, (DSM IV), (Gentile, Sim, Khoo & Choo, 2007)

Remember that the information in this document is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Please reach out to a counselor or professional for further assistance.

CORE ACTIVITY
Activity 3: Meta Virtual World – Social Media

Objective

To help participants manage their technology, so they reap the benefits to flourish and thrive as they dwell in a social-media-saturated world.

Background

The world seems much smaller these days with social media. It has become a great platform to showcase who you are (or who you want to be), stay connected with current friends, reconnect with old friends, and be in touch with what is going on in your friends’ lives. Social media platforms have become the space to organize gatherings, interest groups and support causes. But can they really deepen relationships? Do relationships work the same way in the virtual world? Relying on social media to relate to people can give a false sense of friendship, and is no substitute for the real thing.

Would it surprise you that the technology gurus of our time see screen time as a negative thing and put severe limits on their own kids’ screen time?

The main concerns with social media are its addictive nature of it and its link to unhappiness, anxiety, depression, and poor sleep.

Necessities

• Whiteboard, Markers

Instructions

Get participants into small-group discussions, or get them to shout out their answers.

Ask participants to list down what they like and dislike about social media.

Write them down on the whiteboard as the participants share their responses. Conclude this activity with these questions.

ASK: How do you think teenagers can be a positive influence (rather than be influenced) and make a difference in this space?

For deeper engagements, facilitators can further their discussion with these questions.

• How have people used social media for good?
• How have people used social media for bad?
• Do you ever feel like you have to check your social media regularly? What happens when you don’t?
• Do you think you spend too much time on social media? Explain.
• Do you ever use your phone to escape uncomfortable conversations or situations? What can be the alternative instead of using your phone?
• How can you rest well? How does social media fit into your goals to rest well?
• Do you realize that social media is designed to keep you on it for as long as possible? Have you experienced this or seen evidence of this when you are on your favorite platforms?

Activity 4: Social Media Confessions

Objective

Play a game of bingo and see the satirical side of social media.

Necessities

Social Media Confession Bingo Card.

Are You Using Technology or Is it Using You?

• Adapted from The Social Dilemma and Exposure Labs

Instructions

Divide the participants into groups or ask them to find a partner close to them.

Take a picture on your phone of the bingo card, and use your photo editing app to play. (For the online workshop, you can screenshot and use a marker.)

Circle your confessions, and show your card to the group or your partner and select one tile to share a personal experience.

In groups or in pairs, discuss how you might take action to reduce the negative effects of these technologies in your life.

Activity 5: The Dilemma of Social Media

Objective

To have an open discussion with participants on this question: is a technology like social media helping or hurting us?

Necessities

• VIDEO CLIP: “The Social Dilemma” – Influence of social media on teen depression & behavior (2:15)

Instructions

Watch the video clip and ask participants to take note on the numbers and trends.

Get participants into small group discussions or get them to shout out their answers after you watched the video clip.

Key notes from the clips:

• Netflix released the documentary “The Social Dilemma” (Sep 2020) about the effects of social media and how it uses psychology to manipulate our lives.
• A third of American adults – and nearly half of those ages 18-29 – say they are online “almost constantly.” [Pew Research Center, 2019]
• Teenagers who spend three hours/day or more on devices are 35% more likely, and those who spend five hours or more are 71% more likely, to have a risk factor for suicide than those who spend less than one hour. [iGen, 2017]
• A 5,000-person study found that higher social media use correlated with self-reported declines in mental and physical health and life satisfaction. [American Journal of Epidemiology, February 2017]
• In the US, self-harm and suicide since 2011-2013 has more than doubled (62% for self-harm, 7% for suicide) for teenage girls aged 15-19 and almost tripled (182% for self-harm, 151% for suicide) for girls aged 10-14.
• The significant increase started with the introduction of social media. In this clip, it talks about the mental health dilemma.

Ask: What part of this video clip resonates with you? Do you have personal experiences to share?

What kind of content on social media tends to make you feel bad? How often do you see it?

How do you think social media is shaping your behaviors day-to-day?

• Like it or not, social media is part of our real and virtual world. Using in moderation while maintaining friendship and connection in the real world is important. Knowing the impact of social media on our mental health will help us to be intentional to set boundaries and thrive in this virtual space.

Notes for facilitators:
Let’s train teenagers to use social media to be a positive influence. We need to acknowledge the good stuff about it. If we just talk down at teenagers about how bad social media is, we will alienate them and fail to prepare them to thrive in this space.

It Educates. There is endless content to teach us about anything under the sun.

It Connects and helps us Communicate. It has allowed for greater and deeper connections with people. It has helped us to communicate with anyone around the world, anytime. It helps us to develop social skills.

It gives us a Voice. Not everyone has the opportunity to get onto mainstream media like television and radio. It has given many people a voice, and with increasing followers built along the way, their message can get heard in amazing ways.

It gives us Access. It provides not just content but access to people from diverse experiences and backgrounds. We get to learn about world events and current affairs outside of our immediate environment. It broadens our view of the world and equips us to be active citizens in society.

It Encourages and it’s Fun. There is a lot of uplifting and humorous content and community that can serve as an encouragement to people who are isolated, struggling, and dealing with mental health issues. Laughter can be good medicine.

It’s Anonymous. The anonymity that it provides makes it easy for people to be hateful and cruel toward others they have not met or will never meet. A disturbing example of this is the story of Amanda Todd, a teenager who committed suicide after being bullied online for sexting.

• [https://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/the-story-of-amanda-todd]

It makes us feel Inferior. The constant comparison of the “perfect” body and the “perfect” life of our influencer affects our self-worth. We feel bad when we don’t get enough likes, and we feel we don’t measure up to the picture-perfect life we see every time we scroll.

It Distracts. We get distracted every time a notification goes off and it’s often something trivial. It’s become a social norm for us to gather with friends and talk only to be distracted by our phone notifications ever so often.

It’s about Instant Gratification. We are constantly connected so we expect others to respond to us immediately and get upset when they don’t. We also feel compelled to respond to every message we receive and miss out on being present with people around us.

It’s about Greater Access to content and information. BUT, it makes it harder to discern what information is valuable or reliable. Greater access to supportive communities is great, but it’s also dangerous. You might be slowly influenced to take on values from these communities that go against your own or your family’s values. Greater access to information also creates FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) because we now know more than we can experience.

It’s Time-consuming. We might not be doing anything bad on social media, but we are not doing anything good either. It occupies so much of our lives and energy that it’s hindering us from building relationships and skills, and we are missing out on experiences because of our time spent on social media.

As a tool created for the noble reason of human connection, it has its limitations. Text, images, memes, and emojis cannot fill the depth and richness of physical face-to-face interactions.

The Danger of Stolen Identity

Any information that you share (email address, credit card information, birth dates, family members, educational background, work history, etc) can be accessed. This information can be used by “thieves” to disguise as you and get access to your resources or privileges. The more you post online, the more vulnerable you are. It wouldn’t be safe or smart if you walked on the street with your name and address on your shirt, so why do it on the Internet?

Always check your privacy settings to limit public accessibility.

The Danger of the Lack of Boundaries

Online boundaries are often lacking – from sharing too much or connecting with strangers. And the ease of sharing inappropriate content should concern us. Sharing photos of yourselves doing silly things as a dare can be funny when you are 15 years old, but these pictures may come back to haunt you later in life. Even if the photo has been taken down, someone else may have posted it elsewhere. Your digital footprint is traceable. Don’t believe it? Look up your name on Google.

The Danger of Trends

Some trends have the amazing ability to go viral and have the power to influence people to make life-altering decisions. Some trends are light-hearted and some have good intentions like the Ice Bucket Challenge.

• [https://www.als.org/stories-news/ice-bucket-challenge-dramatically-accelerated-fight-against-als]

However, some are bizarre and downright dangerous like the Tide Pod Challenge.

• [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2018/01/13/teens-are-daring-each-other-to-eat-tide-pods-we-dont-need-to-tell-you-thats-a-bad-idea/]

Teenagers in Indonesia have been jumping in front of moving trucks while taking part in a deadly TikTok challenge called “the angel of death prank,” and it has claimed two lives so far.

• [https://www.insider.com/teens-indonesia-jumping-front-moving-trucks-in-deadly-tiktok-challenge-2022-6]

The Danger of Cyber-bullies & Stalkers

Cyber-bullying is becoming increasingly common all over the world, especially among teenagers. Because of greater access to the Internet and the ease of disseminating information, it is easy for people with ill intentions to spread rumors, ridicule, threaten or intimidate others. Although it’s not difficult to trace the source of threats and rumors, the viral nature of cyber-bullying can cause much more damage than expected. In some cases, it may even result in someone committing suicide.

The Danger of Online Grooming

From chat rooms in popular games to social media platforms, sexual predators target teens who can be easy to trick, manipulate or threaten. They take advantage of the way teenagers use social media and respond to innocent requests for connection with comments that flatter and encourage further communication. Seemingly innocent friendships may lead to unsolicited nudes or inappropriate sexual conversations. “Sex-tortion” is also a growing threat. It can be from an ex-love interest or someone who obtains the victim’s sexually explicit photos or videos. Using the photos and threatening to expose them to family, friends, or on public platforms, predators “sex-tort” more explicit photos, videos, or even real-life sexual acts.

Observe these exposé reports on the subject of online sexual grooming. You may show these video clips to participants to bring awareness to the issue. Video Clip: Dating A Predator: “The Teacher” [https://youtu.be/i4iIBEM-gvo] Undercover journalist, disguised as a 15-year-old, meets a child sex predator who got in touch with her on WeChat, it doesn’t take long for him to ask her to go with him to a hotel room.

• More information: https://www.rage.com.my/predator/

Video Clip: Social Media Dangers Exposed by Mom Posing as 11-Year-Old

• [https://youtu.be/dbg4hNHsc_8]

A 37-year-old mom goes undercover as an 11-year-old girl to expose the dangers facing kids on social media platforms like Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, and Kik. Left unsupervised, young children can be exposed to online predators, grooming, and psychological abuse within minutes.

We highlight these issues to bring awareness and not fear. We believe learning to use social media safely is possible. Instead of deleting your social media account or carelessly embracing it, we can have wisdom and discernment to be a positive influence rather than being negatively influenced.

How do you think teenagers can be a positive influence and make a difference in this space?

The Rules Matters. There is a good reason why social media sites have an age minimum of 13. It’s meant for legal and safety reasons. Sticking to age-appropriate sites will help keep you safe. Privacy settings aren’t foolproof, but it’s very helpful. Take time to learn about the settings, and control your privacy.

Your Posts Matter. Think before you post. Everything we post can be seen by a vast and invisible audience. T.H.I.N.K before you post:

• T: Is it true? Post information that you are 100% confident is true. If you have doubts, don’t post it.
• H: Is it helpful? Will my post be helpful or beneficial to my audience? If it’s a “no,” reconsider your message.
• I: Is it inspiring? Not all posts are meant to be inspiring or encouraging, but we shouldn’t be using social media as a platform to complain or discourage others. Rethink your post if it’s going to be venting or complaining.
• N: Is it necessary? Who will benefit from this information? Are you passing on the news that others should know? If so, then post it! But if you’re sharing personal information or gossip, then don’t post it.
• K: Is it kind? Remember that sarcasm is hard to interpret online. Could someone interpret your post as hurtful? What is obvious to you may not be so clear to others.

Resolving Conflicts Matters. Don’t avoid real confrontation by posting your “thoughts” on social media. Instead, communicating them face-to-face is also a better alternative. Create connections and conversations, not confusion and chaos.

Permission Matters. Don’t upload photos of someone unless you have permission from the people involved.

Manner Matters. Be polite at all times. Respect everyone, and don’t post anything when you are angry. Practice the Golden Rule – treat others the way you want to be treated. Treat and speak to someone online as you would treat and speak with them face-to-face. You are not responsible for how people react, but it’s thoughtful to consider if a post will make someone else feel bad.

Community Matters. Stay connected with a trusted community who you know will be a good influence.

CORE ACTIVITY
Activity 6: My Digital Life Reimagined

Objective

To empower participants to change the way they use media.

Necessities

• Notebook

Instructions

Get participants to complete the statement below to convey the role of digital media in their life:

• My digital life is like  _________________, because    ____________________.

Examples:

• My digital life is like a window of the world, because it allows me to see all kinds of new things and imagine other possibilities.
• My digital life is like a roller coaster, because it’s exciting and full of ups and downs.
• My digital life is like a party where I meet a lot of different people, because it feels loud, out of control, and yet fun.

Challenge the participants

Make a plan for how you would like to change your social media habits. Consider when you will do something different and what you can do instead. (Changing a habit is not easy. Don’t just consider what you won’t do. Come up with things you will do as well!)

[Answers will vary, possible responses]

My media challenges include:

• Un-following certain accounts.
• Setting time limits per day or by app.
• Using a media habits tracking app like Moment or ZenScreen.
• Setting device-free moments in the day, such as dinner or homework.
• Charging my phone outside of my room at night.
  Adapted from Common Sense Media

CORE ACTIVITY
Activity 1: What is Pornography?

Objective

To help participants define pornography.

Necessities

• Whiteboard, Markers

Instructions

1. Split the group into all-guys and all-girls groups, and have them write down what comes to their mind when they think of “pornography”.

• Possible words/phrases: naked bodies, good-looking men/women, having sex, illegal, wrong, Internet, sexual arousal, masturbation, boy-problem

2. Let the group see the opposite gender’s perception of pornography. Highlight the possible different perceptions held by guys and girls, or refer to it as the workshop proceeds. Examples of possible different perceptions.

Definition:

• Pornography refers to any material (printed, visual, audio) that depicts sexually suggestive or explicit acts.
• Pornography is anything designed to cause sexual arousal in people.

CORE ACTIVITY
Activity 2: Pornography and the Brain

Objective

To demonstrate to participants how pornography creates and reinforces neural pathways.

Necessities

• Modelling clay
• A plastic knife

Instructions

1. Shape the clay like a brain and hold it in your hands facing the participants.

2. Explain that when we have an experience, a neural pathway is created in the brain. [Use the plastic knife to carve out a track in the clay.]

3. When an experience is rewarding, it is easier for the brain to prefer the experience. [Explain that if water is poured on the brain, it’s easier for water to take the path of the track, because it has already been carved out.]

4. When we choose the same Behavior again, that track is deepened. [Use the edge of the plastic knife to deepen the track.]

Explain:

• When you watch pornography habitually, you are creating pathways in your brain that make you want to keep watching more pornography.
• Our experiences create pathways in the brain. Repeated experiences deepen these pathways, making it easier for the person to choose the same behavior again.
• The more one watches pornography – and derives satisfaction from it, the more he/she wants to continue to watch pornography.
• Because a track has been made in the brain, it is much easier to go back and engage in the same experience (watching porn), making the track deeper and making it harder to stop.
• Neurons that fire together wire together, i.e, the brain associates two different activities as one. So, after a while, the brain will only be sexually aroused by pornography.
• When you watch pornography and experience sexual pleasure, your brain will link pornography with sexual pleasure.
• This will hinder your ability to experience genuine/true sexual intimacy with your spouse in the future, because your brain will keep associating sexual intimacy with pornographic images instead.
• Basically, porn is highly addicting and highly exciting to our brains. For this very reason, porn poses a serious threat to how our brains function normally.
• If the porn that is being viewed contains violence, fetishes, rape, humiliation, or any of the other infinite categories of deviant porn out there, these things actually start to become what the viewer thinks is attractive, sexy, and desirable.
  https://fightthenewdrug.org/true-story-how-porn-twisted-my-sexuality/
• There are stories of men and women who regularly used pornography, who cannot be sexually aroused when they are with their spouse. They would actually find pornography more stimulating than sex with their spouse.

Remind participants that pornography is NOT true intimacy.

Harmful

It is designed to sexually arouse, pornography harms real relationships and marriages.

People in the porn industry are often exploited. The porn industry is linked to prostitution and human sex trafficking. Paying for and/or watching pornography, it’s encouraging the exploitation and harm of those in the industry.

Progressive

Experts agree that the soft-core stuff (such as photo spreads found in magazines) are the “marijuana” of pornography. It leads users to the harder, more bizarre “heroin” versions of sexual explicitness, which is easily found on the Internet.

Addictive

Once hooked, the user keeps coming back for more sexual turn-ons. Regardless of whether the viewing of pornography is accompanied with self-stimulation (masturbation), the hormone serotonin is released after the climax of the session is reached. This hormone creates a deep feeling of calm, satisfaction, and stress release, and this final positive feeling is what keeps the viewer coming back for more.

After a certain time, psychological addiction turns into something like a physical addiction. This is because pornography acts in a similar way to drugs; while drugs imitate the neurotransmitters that give a sense of pleasure (and hence the “high”), pornography triggers a series of hormonal releases which culminate in a rush of serotonin and a different kind of high. If this is repeated often enough, a person can become addicted to his own neurochemicals. He craves them for his “high” just as a drug addict does, and goes back to pornography to stimulate release. This is why it is so hard to stop looking at pornography, even though the person really wants to stop.

In addition, repeated exposure to pornography leads to a psychological process called desensitization. In the same way that psychologists may help clients get over arachnophobia by exposing them repeatedly to spiders, a person who keeps going back to pornography will find that the material has a weaker effect on him every time he views it. What was once shocking or repulsive – but still sexually arousing – becomes ordinary. To get the same stimulation that he got the first time, he may turn to harder forms of pornography, such as bondage and sadomasochism (BDSM) pornography, bestiality or even forced sex. In some cases, addicts may even begin to act out their fantasies in real life.

Just entertainment

It has a physical and psychological impact on our brains with emotional and relational consequences. Sex is a gift husbands and wives reserve for each other – to be given to one another in a committed monogamous marriage. Pornography and all forms of lust treat sex as something a person takes from another. This shift from “giving” to “taking” can lead to much abuse, heartache and misery.

Respectful

Pornography devalues people and promotes the belief that humans are not dignified beings, but “things” that can be used for personal gratification. Women are portrayed as sexual objects to be used, abused, and thrown away. Men are depicted as lust-driven machines.

For example:

• In late 2013, Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s (an American actor) directorial debut hit theaters. The widely released “Don Jon,” was the topic of much discussion in the media because of the movie’s subject matter— porn.
• In an interview talking about his character in the movie and the message of the film, Gordon-Levitt said:
  “Everything in Jon’s life is sort of a one-way street. He is not connecting or engaging with anyone. That goes for the women in his life… It’s an item on a checklist. He doesn’t listen; he just takes. At the beginning of the movie, he is finding that dissatisfying because there’s the sequence where he brings a young lady home from the bar, and he is comparing her to this checklist that he has gotten off of what he likes to see in a pornography video.
  I think that there’s not a substantial difference between a lot of mainstream media and pornography. They’re equally simplistic, and reductionist. Whether it’s rated X or “approved by the FCC for general viewing audiences,” the message is the same. We have a tendency in our culture to take people and treat them like things.”
• Since the movie, Gordon-Levitt has been open about his feelings about how the media and pornography negatively depict people and relationships.

Fulfilling

We remain empty and inevitably become disappointed with our relationships. It’s like chewing on your favorite food just for the pleasure of its taste, then spitting it out.

The main reason looking at pornography is unfulfilling is because we were made for intimate relationships. Looking at pornography involves only one person. Feelings of being alone and unlovable are common among pornography users because they are stimulating those parts of the mind and body made for connection with another, but directing all those emotions back into themselves. This is also why people who struggle with pornography need to turn away from their computers and interact with real friends – this is the connection they really crave!

True intimacy

Pornography isolates sexual pleasure from the intimacy of a committed relationship with a real person. True intimacy comes with the choice to love someone despite their flaws.

Example:

• In his book Manhood, Terry Crews (an American actor, recent television host, America’s Got Talent host, and former American football linebacker) talked openly about how he was addicted to pornography since the age of 12 years old, and how it deeply affected his marriage. In an excerpt from an interview with the Tom Joyner Morning Show, Crews and his wife of 25 years, Rebecca, opened up about the effects it had on their life together:
• “I was a loving father, husband, the whole thing, but in the back of my mind, I needed something like pornography just to chill. It’s almost like not admitting you’re an alcoholic or something like that. But the thing is, you can’t live in two worlds, and I was getting farther and farther away from Rebecca.
• “Pornography is an intimacy killer. It just started building up a wall. A lot of people get divorced, and they don’t even understand how the separation began. It wasn’t that she caught me. She was like, ‘Something is wrong with you,’ and I finally had to admit it was a problem … I realized I couldn’t stop.”

By definition, masturbation involves intentional self-stimulation for the purpose of deriving sexual pleasure for self and by oneself.

Masturbation is a sexual activity, even though it’s not sexual intercourse in itself, but it could eventually lead to sexual intercourse.

Over 95% of men and about 50% of women have masturbated. Just because something is common/popular does not always mean it is beneficial for us. Even if a lot of people litter or smoke, that still would not make littering or smoking something that is beneficial.

• [https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1300/J056v14n02_07]

Because of the higher occurrence among men, masturbation tends to be more of a male problem than a female one.

Activity 3: Pornography and Perception

Objective

To help participants understand how pornography negatively affects our relationships.

Necessities

• A bucket of water (filled almost to the brim)
• Stones/pebbles/rocks
• Rags/canvas sheet

Instructions

1. Place the bucket of water on the canvas sheet or on a surface that will not be damaged by water. Ask participants what they think would happen if you drop the stones into the bucket.

2. Drop a few stones into the water until the water starts to overflow. Tell them that the stones represent pornographic images, the bucket their mind and the water the “pure” perception of relationships.

3. Explain that, just as the stones sink to the bottom of the bucket and cause some water to be displaced, pornographic images stick in our mind and cause us to lose a little bit of our innocence in relating to the opposite sex.

4. Continue to add more stones into the bucket. Each stone causes just a little more water to be spilt, just like each pornographic image causes us to lose just a little more purity in our perception.

5. Stop adding stones. Explain that even when you stop looking at pornography, images have the power to stick. You can’t erase them from your mind so easily. Neither will your lost innocence be returned, just as the spilt water doesn’t find its way back into the bucket.

Unfortunately, pornography causes our perception of relationships to change, and the images stay in our memories, affecting our future relationships. What may seem like a personal choice which doesn’t involve anyone else can seriously hurt another person.

For those who are dealing with addiction to pornography, know that you don’t have to hide and keep it to yourself. It is wise to take active steps to break out of the addiction – no matter how serious it is.

1. Admit – Be brave and admit pornography is a problem
Admitting the problem is the first step of change. You may risk getting caught or losing your reputation, but addiction of any kind – especially sexual – is not something to take lightly.

2. Alter – Change holistically
Seek to manage the different aspects of yourself – body, mind, emotions, and beliefs, and see all these parts as intertwined.

• Physical body
  Recognize your weaknesses. If you tend to look at porn when you are tired or hungry as a way to feel satisfied or energized, then implement a good eating and resting schedule for yourself. Channel your energy into something that is truly exciting and rewarding. While some people will jog or do regimented exercise, others play a team sport or engage in adventurous activities like rafting or hiking.
• Thoughts
  Be careful what you let your mind dwell on. Are you thinking about the people around you in ways that are kind and dignified – seeing them for all of who they are, not just superficially? Or do you think of how you can take advantage of people, (for instance, stealing glances that set your mind on the track of inappropriate thoughts)?
  Replace the distorted images of sexuality found in pornography with healthy ones. Learn to appreciate the value and worth of a human person. Start with the people you know – list down their positive qualities and tell them why you appreciate them.
• Emotions
  Negative feelings are part of life. We need to deal with sadness and frustration in a productive way. Having good friends, whom you can share your real thoughts and emotions with, can help you better handle the issues that get you down. Turning to friends is much more fulfilling than momentarily escaping by watching pornography.
• Beliefs
  Your beliefs will influence how you view and value relationships. If you think that life is only about “you” and sex is just about self-gratification rather than commitment, then this belief will indeed be your motivation toward relationships.

3. Accountability -Take practical steps
If you are having trouble stopping this behavior even though you want to, get help! Talk to a parent or a professional counselor – opening up to care from others will help break the shame and secrecy of the addiction cycle. Isolating yourself will only fuel the addiction. Many have struggled with this, and you don’t have to hide it. You can live free of this habit and the control it has over you.

Take practical steps to interrupt and stop the behavior from progressing into a deeper habit or full-blown addiction. These steps include:

• Use an Internet filtering system
• Place your computer in a public space. Don’t use it in your room alone, where you will be tempted when no one is looking.
• Share with a close and trusted adult who will encourage you to avoid all forms of pornography. Give this person permission to look into your Internet browsing and email history so you are less tempted to get into pornographic materials online. However, setting up self-imposed boundaries will not work on its own as a lifelong strategy – we tend to make excuses for ourselves.

RESTART: You can rewire your brain

Regardless if you’ve engaged in pornography, we can give our brains a reboot to ensure we avoid the harmful consequences of further exposure.

If you have been in these habits for a while, don’t despair. What causes your brain to get into the habit of pornography in the first place can also help you to get out.

Each time you make a choice not to act on these habits, you weaken the pathway in your brain that makes you want these things in the first place.

So the more often you choose not to view pornography, the easier it will become for you to get free from these habits.

CONTROL: It’s in your control how you want to act

• [Ref: intellectual dimension of a human person]

Recognize your triggers

• Often, our desires are good. A healthy way to meet this need would be to call up your friends and hang out with them, participating in a healthy activity like doing sports or watching a movie together.
• But we may sometimes want to meet these desires in less healthy ways. Why? Some people feel a desire to view pornography when they feel lonely, sad, angry, or stressed.
• Common triggers: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, Stressed (HALTS).
• When you find that you have a desire for pornography, take a step back and identify your triggers by asking yourself, what has happened that makes me want to view pornography?

“Report” it: Tell someone you trust

• Don’t think that you have to deal with pornography alone. Remember that a lot of people have engaged in or been exposed to it.
• If you know you are already addicted, some outside and extra help is beneficial to control the habit. You can also approach your school counselors for help.
• Talk to trusted family members or friends about your desire to stop, and have their journey with you and encourage you. It’s amazing what accountability can do.

Who’s pushing the cart?

Be a wise consumer! Don’t let the media dictate your life, values, and relationships. When it comes to media:

• Are you the one in the cart, or the one pushing the cart?
• Are you using technology, or is technology using you?
• Are you being influenced, or are you being a positive influence?

Going Home

Activity 1: Identify Your Values

Objective

Help participants identify their personal values because they influence their decisions and their ability to draw healthy boundaries in life.

Necessities

• Get participants to prepare 16 small paper squares (or Post-It sticky notes).

Instructions

Use one piece of paper to write down and identify the following:

• THREE Favorite activities (3)
• FIVE Important people in your life (5)
• THREE Goals for your future (3)
• THREE Favorite things/possessions (3)
• TWO Things you would like to own someday (2)

Each activity, person, goal, favorite possession, and thing to own someday activity must be written on a separate piece of paper.

When you are ready to begin, ask participants to display all their pieces of paper on their desks.

Tell participants you will be reading a short imaginary story. After each part of the story, they will be asked to make a decision, and they have 10 seconds to do so.

Read the imaginary story below aloud, and pause after each part for 10 seconds to allow participants to make a decision on which piece of paper they choose to throw aside. Discarded paper must be crumpled or torn up.

Read The Story

ONCE UPON A TIME

2. You are hospitalized for a short time because of your illness. You must give up ONE of your goals.

• [Pause for 10 seconds to allow participants to make a decision]

3. Because of your long absence from work, you are short of money and have to give up ONE of your favorite things/possessions.

• [Pause for 10 seconds to allow participants to make a decision]

4. You need to be hospitalized again because of a serious infection. The medical bills keep coming, and you have to give up another ONE of your favorite things/possessions.

• [Pause for 10 seconds to allow participants to make a decision]

5. You are trying to keep up with your work are but exhausted from your illness at the same time. You lose ONE of your goals and must give up another ONE of your activities. Also, TWO important people disappear from your life because you are no longer able to maintain relationships.

• [Pause for 15 seconds to allow participants to make a decision]

6. Your illness gets worse and you have to be permanently hospitalized. You can only have ONE visitor (person) and can take only ONE favorite thing to the hospital with you. Discard TWO important people, ONE favorite thing/possession and ONE thing you would like to own someday.

• [Pause for 15 seconds to allow participants to make a decision]

7. Your doctor finds a hospital abroad that specializes in rare insect bites. You move there to live near the hospital for the rest of your life, just in case you suffer from symptoms again. You must give up THREE of your remaining paper. Which will they be?

• [Pause for 15 seconds to allow participants to make a decision]

8. You start your life again with only this person, goal, activity, possession, or the thing you would like to own someday. (2 pieces of paper remaining)

• [Pause for 15 seconds to allow participants to make a decision]

ASK: Were some choices more difficult to make?

• Our decisions are based on the values that we have. While it’s important to respect the values and rules of others, it’s difficult to be the person you want to be and to respect yourself unless you live according to your own values and rules. The decisions we make reveal what we truly value in life. This is the way you begin setting healthy boundaries for yourself.

Why are values important

When our values are clear, it can help us answer these really questions:

• What gives my life meaning?
• In what ways do I influence others?
• What is worthwhile work for me?
• What kind of person would I want as a life partner?

Examples of having certain values:

• RESPONSIBILITY
  John was not afraid to shoulder the consequences of his actions when his group project failed because of the value he places on responsibility.
• SERVICE
  Because Sam values service to others, he spends his weekends volunteering at a charitable organization.
• FAMILY
  Family is a priority to Sue, so she makes an effort to be home for dinner every day in spite of her hectic schedule.
• SELF RESPECT
  Because self-respect is important to Janice, she broke up with her boyfriend who didn’t respect her views and constantly put her down in front of others.

Alternative Activity
Activity 2: Identify Your Values

Objective

Help participants to identify how their values influence the decisions they make.

Instructions

Tell the participants you will read out a series of choices and they need to make a choice that they prefer. They can demonstrate their choice by standing up if they prefer the choice in column X and sitting down if they prefer the choice from column Y. (For the online session, they can use a “thumbs up” reaction for column X and an “applause” reaction for column Y).

Would you rather:

Facilitators should include what’s relevant and popular things in your country.

ASK: Were some choices more difficult to make?

• Ask participants to give examples of the choices that they found difficult to make and explain how they finally made a decision.
• We make decisions daily. Some decisions are easy, while some are more difficult and require more thought. What we value influences our decisions and choices. For this reason, it’s necessary for us to consider our values -what we consider to be important. Knowing what we value allows us to set healthy boundaries and make good choices in life.

ASK: Where do we get our values from?

• Was it influenced by someone in my social circle, or was it influenced by the information I got from the media?
• Is it an informed decision you made and want to adopt because it is the best for you?
• Values may change depending on the friends we mix with and the messages we accept from the media, but the strength of our character will NOT change.
• Therefore, it’s important to keep building and strengthening our characters so our values don’t change and get influenced along the way.

Thinking critically is also part of setting healthy boundaries and making good choices.

CORE ACTIVITY
Activity 3: Up Close and Personal

Objective

Help participants to understand boundaries.

Necessities

• Put on the “Up Close and Personal” slide.
• Get everyone to pair off, boy with boy and girl with girl. (Each pair should preferably not consist of close/best friends)
• Let each pair decide who will be “A” and who will be “B”, and get them to stand facing each other as shown in the diagram below.

Instructions

1. Instruct “A” to slowly take one step at a time towards “B” to stand as close to “B” as possible until he/she raises their hand to ask them to stop. “B” may also ask “A”to step back if they feel that the “A” is too close.

2. The final distance between “A” and “B” marks the boundaries of “B’s” personal space. You can use the sticky tape to mark out the distance but ask them to remain at their positions.

3. ASK “B” How would you feel if “A” took another step closer to you after you raised your hand? Why?

• What if it wasn’t your friend, but a complete stranger at a bus stop?
• “B” should express some discomfort if his/her partner were to take a step closer and “cross the line”. In the case of a complete stranger, the level of discomfort should be even more.

4. Explain that this “safe distance” demonstrates what is known as one’s “personal space.” It’s a boundary that everyone draws around themselves unconsciously.

• As long as people we interact with remain outside this boundary, we are free to enjoy the relationship. This may change over time as you develop trust, and we have different boundaries for different people, such as close friends or family members. But if a boundary is breached, it evokes a sense of insecurity and leads us to react defensively.
• Similarly, we should be aware that we also draw boundaries on the activities we engage in. These boundaries are not meant to “restrict, ” but to protect us from potential harm.

Boundaries Define…

• Who you are.
• What you think, feel, and do.
• Your preferences, what you’ll accept and won’t, making choices based on what is important to you.
• What you are and aren’t responsible for so you remain in control, not your feelings, hormones, friends, or the situation.

5. Ask participants to look around and compare the distances each pair have. Normally the distances should be different. From the differences, we know people have different personal spaces. Some need more space and others have smaller spaces, but everyone has a need for personal space. This should be respected.

• Similarly, when it comes to activities, different people draw different boundaries for themselves. For example, some adults will not touch alcohol at all, while others feel that it is okay to drink socially as long as they don’t get drunk. Don’t assume that what is acceptable to you is also acceptable to others. Always find out, and respect others for the boundaries they choose.
• Draw the line based on what is known and what is felt. Regardless of where they draw the line, everyone needs boundaries if they want to protect themselves. The decision as to where to draw your own boundaries should not just be based on personal comfort levels or “feelings,” as they may not be the best gauge of what’s best.
• For example, you are training for a marathon, but you happen to love fast food as well. Drawing your boundaries on your fast food intake according to how you feel about fast food would be foolish! Your decision to limit fast food would be based on the fact that fast food is low in nutrients and high in fat, and preventing me from reaching my goal to be a biathlete.

The same applies to other activities we engage in. We can decide where to draw the boundaries based on what we know is beneficial to us, and not just based on how we feel about the activity.

Going Deeper

ASK: What are some barriers to setting healthy boundaries?
Possible answers:

• Fear of rejection or losing friends.
• Fear of confrontation.
• Guilt or shame.
• We were not taught healthy boundaries.
• Feel like the needs of others are more important than yours.

ASK: What are some ways to overcome barriers in setting healthy boundaries?
Possible answers:

• Identify the areas of your life where you need to set boundaries.
• Share those boundaries with others.
• Don’t allow guilt or shame prevent you from setting boundaries. This is an important of self-care.
• Take time to learn how to set boundaries. It’s a process.
• Surround yourself with people that support and respect your boundaries.

Life and relationships can be more stressful without boundaries. Be clear with your values, and set boundaries to protect them.

CORE ACTIVITY
Activity 4: Funnel of Life

Objective

Help participants to see that boundaries may appear restrictive, but they actually lead to greater freedom.

Necessities

• A funnel (preferably big and brightly-colored)

Instructions

1. Put on the “When you say ‘No’ to something Today … You are saying ‘Yes’ to something for the future” slide.

2. Hold the funnel up in front of the class, pointing to the wide end.

3. Ask: “How many of you would like freedom? No rules. You can do what you want.”

• Explain that we could live in the wide end of the funnel when we’re young, having many loose relationships and sexual partners in the five to ten years of our youth. Or we could choose to experiment with smoking, drugs, or excessive drinking. But we realize that some of the consequences of these choices start to limit our options. We end up spending the later years and a larger part of our lives on the narrow end of the funnel, bearing the consequences of some bad decisions we made as a young person. It’s like being given a credit card and going on a crazy shopping spree, only to chalk up incredible debts that take years paying back.

4. Hold up the funnel again, but point to the narrow end.

• Explain that if we establish the boundaries over our relationships and activities by “limiting” ourselves now, we live in the narrow end of the funnel.

Boundaries ➡️ freedom

Rather than restricting us, they bring about freedom to:

• know each other as friends
• pursue our life goals

Activity 1: Is it Really “No Big Deal”?

Objective

Help participants to reflect on the consequences of high-risk behaviors and the need for boundaries

Necessities

• Whiteboard
• Markers

Instructions

1. Divide your class into small groups (Online Session: divide the class into breakout rooms)

2. Assign a high-risk behavior to each group

3. Get participants to answer the questions below and write their responses on the whiteboard based on their high-risk behavior. (Online Session: get a volunteer to take notes)

How much do you know about … alcohol

What are some alcoholic drinks you’ve heard of?

• Possible responses: Wine, beer, spirits, liquor, cocktails, etc. They may also give specific brands or names.

What percentage of alcohol does have?

• Possible responses: Regular beer: about 5%, Wine: about 12%, Distilled spirits (gin, rum, tequila, vodka, whiskey, etc.): about 40%

How is alcohol supposed to make you feel?

• Possible responses: Good, bad, happy, sad, depressed, nothing, sleepy, blur, etc.

What is the legal age for drinking or buying alcohol?

• See Extra Content: On Alcohol for an idea of general guidelines for legal ages.

What are some of the effects of excessive drinking?

• See Extra Content: On Alcohol for effects of alcohol on health and decision-making.

Why do people drink?

• Possible responses: To relax, to fit in, liking the taste of alcohol mixers, partying/clubbing culture, addiction.

How much do you know about … substance abuse

What are some of the drugs you’ve heard of?

• Possible responses: Opioid (prescription drugs), Heroin, Cocaine, Marijuana (Note that some participants may give “street names” that may not be in the list)

How are drugs supposed to make you feel?

• Possible responses: Happy, calm, energetic, sick, nauseous, disoriented, giddy, etc.

Is it legal to take drugs?

• Possible responses: Yes (Note: It is possible for legalized and some prescribed drugs to be misused.) and (The law prohibits possession and supply, with harsher penalties for Class A drugs that include heroin, methadone, cocaine, processed magic mushrooms and LSD)

What are some of the effects of drugs?

• See Extra Content: On Substance Abuse for effects of different drugs.

Why do people take drugs?

• Possible responses: Curiosity, peer pressure, a means to escape from troubles, addiction, as a means to enhance performance in sports, studies, etc.

How much do you know about … smoking

How many chemicals are found in a cigarette?

• Possible responses: More than 7,000 chemicals in tobacco smoke, at least 250 are known to be harmful.

Which chemical causes addiction to smoking?

• Possible responses: Nicotine.

How old do you have to be to buy cigarettes?

• See table under Extra Content: On Smoking for legal ages.

What are some of the effects of smoking?

• See the Extra Content: On Smoking for effects of smoking.

Why do people smoke?

• Possible responses: Image, stress, peer pressure, weight loss, addiction.

How much do you know about … gambling

What is gambling?

• Gambling is when one risks the possibility of losing something valuable in the hope of winning something of greater value.

Is gambling legal?

• Possible responses: Gambling may be legal under law in some countries, but there are significant restrictions to it. (Note: Share your local laws).

What do people gamble with?

• Possible responses: Money, homes, valuables, honor, etc.

What are some of the effects of gambling?

• See Extra Content: On Gambling for effects of gambling.

Why do people gamble?

• Possible responses: Need money, thrill of taking risks, hoping to make a quick fortune, boredom (especially for the seniors), chasing losses, addiction.

4. Purposefully (and gently) correct wrong perceptions – or affirm accurate information. Highlight that the list of questions ends with a “why” question.

5. Explain that the motivation for engaging in any of the high-risk behaviors could be broadly categorized under:

Why do people engage in high-risk behavior?

• Pleasure – the instant relief or enjoyment they receive
• Pressure – the influence of peers or expected behaviors in a specific setting
  [You can lighten the atmosphere of this section by having the participants guess what these two motivations are through a game of “Hangman.”]
• Both motivations do not take into consideration long-term consequences of actions.

6. Explain that drawing good boundaries is not just about what feels right to them; it’s about making a conscious decision to do the right thing for themselves and others, regardless of how it feels, and sticking to that decision.

Extra Content

On Substance Abuse

Most countries in the world have some laws regarding the use, possession, sale, or trafficking of drugs and other illegal substances. Despite disagreements on the best way to deal with substance abuse, there is a consensus on one thing: substance abuse is a problem, and this problem is costly, both to society as well as to the country’s economy. For example, in 2009, it is estimated that illegal drugs cost the United Kingdom approximately £16 billion a year. Evidence of this consensus is further supported by the existence of a United Nations office (the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime, or UNODC) dedicated to this problem.

When drugs are consumed, the chemicals that are released into the body generally do one of two things: they either cause the user to feel “high,” giving them a sense of happiness or euphoria, or cause them to feel calm and mellow. Regardless of the effect, all drugs interfere with chemicals in the brain. In particular, drugs that overstimulate the pleasure “center” in the brain cause the receptors to be desensitized. After the “high” wears out, the drugs “drop” them and send emotions spiraling downward as quickly as they got high.

However, the brain is more than just a pleasure center; it is also the center for logic, reasoning, and creativity. It controls our emotions as well as our unconscious, involuntary actions, such as the beating of our hearts and our breathing. Thus, any chemical that interferes with the brain’s chemistry has implications on all these as well.

Substance Abuse as an Economic Problem

Because drugs affect the brain, they also affect a person’s ability to work, think and be productive. Lower productivity means higher costs for companies or lesser profits. While it may not seem significant when looking at a single company, when the total losses incurred by all the companies in a country are added together, it can come up to millions, if not billions, of dollars.

Many drug users, especially those who are addicted, tend to be in poor health as they spend more time looking for ways to finance their next fix rather than engaging in healthy activities. As such, their need for healthcare will incur costs which could have been avoided, such as medication for an infection caused by repeated injections and poor wound management. This is especially so in countries where healthcare is highly subsidized by public taxes.

Most drugs do not come cheap. As a result, users may turn to crime to pay for their drug habits. Depending on the crime committed, damages can cost from as little as $10 swiped from someone’s wallet to millions of dollars. This does not take into account the psychological costs to those who are ill-fated enough to become victims, nor does it take into consideration the social cost of an unsafe neighborhood.

While the cost of drug abuse can be measured to some extent by calculating physical, psychological, and social damage, the numbers don’t fully reflect the true cost of drug abuse.

Substance Abuse as a Social Problem

With the aforementioned lack of productivity, substance abusers may find themselves out of a job or out of school. Without proper education or work, some turn to crime as a means to support themselves and their families.

Drugs also tend to make users very edgy and irritable, either after a “trip” or having gone too long without the drug. This sometimes leads to domestic violence, child abuse, and even accidental homicide. Family relations are inevitably strained and members who find the situation untenable may decide to move away, resulting in the disintegration of the family.

This is by no means the only social consequence linked to substance abuse. Rather, they are condensed examples of how an individual’s choice affects the family and the wider community.

Extra Content

On Smoking

An overwhelming amount of research points to the negative effects of smoking on the human body. Since 1999, major tobacco companies have publicly acknowledged the health risks related to smoking.

The smoke of a single cigarette contains over 7,000 chemicals. These include:

• Nicotine, the primary addictive substance.
• Carbon monoxide, which hinders the transportation of blood throughout the body.
• Tar, which deposits itself on the linings of the lung and hinders O2-CO2 exchange.
• Hydrogen cyanide, which prevents the lungs from removing foreign substances by paralyzing the cells that serve this function (cilia).
• Over 60 known cancer-causing chemicals.

Effects of Smoking

According to the World Health Organization, smoking is a greater cause of death and disability than any single disease.

• Tobacco causes approximately five million deaths worldwide each year. In comparison, two million people died of HIV/AIDS in 2008.
• Tobacco kills up to half of all users.
• A smoker aged 11 to 15 years is three times more likely to die a premature death than someone who takes up smoking at the age of 20.
• Smoking causes the risk of lung cancer to increase by up to 22 times.
• Six out of eight of the top causes of death in the world are directly or indirectly linked to tobacco use.
• Smoking increases the risk of oral, uterine, liver, kidney, bladder, stomach, and cervical cancers, as well as leukemia.
• Smoking causes irreversible damage to the lungs, leading to chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, the fourth biggest cause of death in the world.
• A pregnant mother who smokes greatly increases the risk of miscarriage. Surviving babies of mothers who smoke are more likely to be of low birth-weight and have inhibited child development.
• Babies whose parents smoke are at greater risk of dying from sudden infant death syndrome.

General Guidelines for Legal Smoking Age

On Gambling

Gambling, also known as gaming, can take many forms. Examples of gambling include horseracing, soccer betting, lottery tickets, games of chance (Roulette, Blackjack, Baccarat), and even simple small bets with friends.

In many cultures, gambling is considered an acceptable behavior. For example, in Singapore, many buy tickets for the state lottery on a regular basis, and some are even willing to queue for hours at “lucky outlets” for major draws. In Australia, slot machines are commonplace in pubs and clubs in some states. Lebanon has casinos, which occasionally host poker events. Internationally, professional poker is considered a legitimate game.

However most countries also have laws against some forms of gambling. Some, like Saudi Arabia, have laws which ban gambling completely. Others, like Singapore (before casino gaming was legalized in 2005) make commercial gambling illegal, but make provisions for social gambling (a poker game among friends on a Friday night) and state-controlled betting entities. Even more liberal countries such as the United Kingdom allow commercial gambling as long as certain rules (such as minimum payout rates, registration or special taxes on profits from gaming operations) are met. Regardless of how liberal gaming laws may be, governments realize this: gambling creates social problems – directly or indirectly.

Gambling has potential to become addictive and dangerous. Smaller bets on sports or other outcomes may be seen as less harmful or even benign.

However, there is a thin line separating calculated risk-taking and becoming pathologically addicted.

The majority of people who gamble are low-risk gamblers. They do it just for the fun or as a social activity with friends. They typically spend a controlled amount of time and have a predetermined limit for losses. However, pathological addictions develop when people use gambling as a means to escape or to experience the thrill of risk-taking. For them, winning has become a form of self-validation, escape or adrenaline rush.

Gambling progresses from a pastime or social activity to a means by which they find their self-worth or falsely hope for a quick solution to their problems. But most families of habitual gamblers will tell you that they lose more than they win by gambling, and money cannot buy happiness or erase the hurt.

Pathological Gambling

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th Edition Text Revision (DSM-IV TR), pathological gambling is classified as a psychological disorder. For a diagnosis of pathological gambling, the client must display persistent and recurrent maladaptive gambling behavior which fulfills at least five of the following criteria:

1. Has a preoccupation with gambling.
2. Needs to gamble with increasing amounts of money to achieve the desired excitement.
3. Has had repeated unsuccessful efforts to control, cut back or stop gambling.
4. Appears restless or irritable when attempting to cut down or stop gambling.
5. Gambles to escape problems or relieve a dysphoric mood.
6. Often returns another day to get even after losing money to gambling.
7. Lies to family members, therapists, or others to conceal the extent of involvement with gambling.
8. Has committed illegal acts such as forgery, fraud, theft, or embezzlement to finance gambling.
9. Has jeopardized or lost a significant relationship, job, education, or career opportunity because of gambling.
10. Relies on others to provide money to relieve a desperate financial situation caused by gambling.

Effects of Pathological Gambling

Pathological gambling manifests itself in many ways, including complaints about money problems, depression, and suicidal ideation. Pathological gamblers may also find themselves unemployed and in poor health, as they are unable to get proper sleep and feel anxious most of the time.

In addition, pathological gambling interferes with interpersonal relationships, resulting in the breakdown of the family or the straining of family ties.

Common observations from family members of pathological gamblers include:

• Unpaid household bills
• Disappearing savings
• Unexplained loans
• Pawned items and belongings
• “Lost” children’s allowances
• Evading the topic of money
• Unaccounted cash advances from credit
• High-risk investments in unrealistic businesses
• Having an indifferent attitude toward missing work, losing a job, or finding a new job
• Always short of money despite an adequate income

All these behaviors injure family ties, as immediate and extended family members are unable to rely on the gambler to contribute to the family’s needs, or even sustain his/her own needs. Trust becomes an issue, as they cannot be certain that the gambler is able to handle any shared finances in the interest of the family.

If a gambler is desperate, he/she may turn to illegal ways of obtaining funds, such as borrowing from unlicensed moneylenders or by engaging in criminal activities. Either way, this has an effect on public safety. Loan sharks harass debtors, their families, and their innocent neighbors, and criminal activities endanger people and property.

• [Based on seminar notes on “Gambling Addiction: Definition & Diagnosis” and “Screening for Gambling Addiction” by Mr Patrick Teo, Senior Counselor, National Addictions Management Service, Institute of Mental Health, Singapore, in July 2006.]

CORE ACTIVITY
Activity 2: Borders

Objective

To lead participants to start drawing their boundaries in high-risk behaviors.

Necessities

• Student handbook
• Pen/pencil

Instructions

1. Explain to participants they now have the facts they need to make an informed decision and are in a very good position to decide where they want to draw their boundaries with regards to the risky behavior discussed.

2. In the handbook, there are six statements for each of the four high-risk behaviors, each describing a different point along the progression. Ask participants where they will draw their boundary for each of these behaviors by drawing a single line at that point.

The suggested boundary line has been drawn for you below, but is subject to your cultural nuances.

Alcohol

• Take note of the religious point of view, for example, Muslims are prohibited from consuming alcohol.

Substance Abuse

Smoking

Gambling

3. After everyone is done, ask a few participants to share where they drew their line and why. After that, share with the participants where you draw your own line and explain the rationale behind it. (Note: We should not cross the perforated line to maintain a safe and healthy boundary)

Going Deeper

Questions to consider before you say “it’s no big deal.”

• Would I be doing the same thing if someone was watching?
• Could someone else get hurt?
• What are the consequences of my actions and am I willing to accept them?
• Am I able to live with the consequences?

How does high-risk behaviors affect your future goals?

CORE ACTIVITY
Activity 1: DTR (Define the Relationship)

Objective

To identify the expectations that arise from different boundaries inherent in each type of boy-girl relationship.

Necessities

• Student handbook
• Pen/pencil

Instructions

1. Ask participants to complete the activity in the handbook by placing a tick in the box if they think that it is a reasonable expectation of the other person in the context of the following guy-girl relationships:

• Casual friends/ Acquaintances
• Close friends
• Exploratory dating (where either one or both parties have expressed liking for the other person)
• Steady dating (where there is exclusivity)
• Marriage (where there is a commitment to each other for life)

Expectations

I would expect him/her to:

1. Respond to “Hi!” when we meet on the street or in school
2. Buy me a present for my birthday
3. Have regular phone conversations with me
4. Give me a gift or do something for me on special occasions, such as graduation
5. Provide emotional support when things don’t go well, such as bad grades or problems at home
6. Drop everything and accompany me when I need a shoulder to cry on
7. Surprise me sometimes with a gift for no reason at all
8. Hang out with my friends when I ask
   [Note: Hang out means to socialize or engage in recreational activities]
9. Respect and be sensitive to my feelings
10. Tell me his/her problems and come to me for advice

2. Ask a few participants to share their responses, and probe if you sense that they are in the fuzzy zone.

• For example, if a participant says that she would expect her guy “friend” to drop everything to be with her when she’s upset.

3. Explain to participants that spending a lot of time together steadily produces expectations (especially in girls). We need to be aware of emotional boundaries that are appropriate at different stages of a relationship. If one person tries to move to the next level of closeness before the other is ready, it can create tension in the relationship.

4 Share your views of reasonable and healthy expectations within the different relationships, giving personal examples where appropriate.

• Note: Suggested expectations in the table are subject to cultural nuances.

Don’t get too comfortable in the fuzzy zone.

Being in the fuzzy zone for too long brings about confusion, resulting in an emotional roller coaster (for one or both parties). This jeopardizes a healthy relationship/friendship.

1. Guard your expectations

Know what you can and cannot expect from different friends. If you had a bad day, you might expect your best friend to lend a listening ear; but, that is not a realistic expectation for someone you’ve only known for two days or even two months. If you have a very good friend or best friend of the opposite sex, emotional boundaries are even more important. Without boundaries, signals may be misinterpreted so that one party thinks that the relationship has become exclusive, while the other still thinks they are “just friends”.

2. Beware of emotional attachment

It’s great to know that you can share your personal problems with someone, and know that he/she will listen. But be careful of becoming emotionally over-dependent on each other. For example, you need this person to “rescue” you all the time, or your world will crash. A relationship with very high emotional dependence leaves both parties feeling trapped.

3. Identify emotional blackmail

Be careful of statements like, “If you don’t have lunch with me, I’ll get so upset I don’t want to eat anymore.” There’s a difference between being real and honest with your friends about your feelings, and manipulating their emotions to get what you want.

Activity 2: Cookie Mix

Objective

To demonstrate the need for boundaries in physical intimacy and the irreversible repercussions otherwise.

Necessities

• One pack of Oreo (or similar biscuit) Sandwich Biscuits vanilla cream [enough for half the class]
• One pack of Oreo (or similar biscuit) Sandwich Biscuits chocolate cream [enough for the other half of the class]

Alternatively, you can use:

• ONE slice of bread with strawberry jam
• ONE slice of bread with peanut butter
• TWO volunteers (for the best effect, ask the group to choose the most dramatic guy and girl)

Instructions

1. Hand out the Oreo Sandwich Biscuits with vanilla cream to half of the class and the Oreo Sandwich Biscuits with chocolate cream to the other half of the class.

2. Ask the participants that got the sandwich biscuits with vanilla cream to pair up with someone who got the sandwich biscuits with chocolate cream.

3. Have all the participants dramatize this story as you tell it. You can come up with fictitious names to represent the two biscuits (eg, Jack and Jill). The story can sound like this:

• Jack and Jill are at a local café. Jack is very engrossed watching videos on YouTube®/in his World of Warcraft® game; Jill is chatting with her friends online/ checking her Instagram® feed.
• Suddenly from across the room, Jill catches a whiff of Jack’s manly cologne and is attracted to get closer. She decides to move to the table next to his.
• Jack drops his phone, and as he bends to pick it up, glances at Jill.
• Their eyes meet. Sparks fly – it is “love at first sight”.
• They start chatting and decide to adjourn to a nearby ice cream parlor for dessert.
• Over ice cream, they realize they have a lot in common and decide to exchange numbers and add each other on Instagram®.
• They meet for a movie the next day, then proceed to the park where their hands accidentally brush against each other and they find themselves holding hands.
• So begins their wonderful relationship. They continue going out exclusively and one day, when Jack takes Jill home, he gives her a peck on the cheek.
• The moment feels so good that they can’t stop there. They progress to making out.
• One day when no one is home, Jack invites Jill over to his house to study. Before long, they start to kiss, which quickly leads to petting. Their clothes come off and before they know it, they have sex. (Have each participant holds up their sandwich biscuit, and twist it to separate the biscuit. Ask them to hold up the side of the biscuit with more cream -to represent their bodies, then press the two biscuits together -to represent the bonding that takes place during sex.
• Very quickly, sex becomes the focus of their relationship. But after some months, they have a huge fight and Jill decides she does not really like Jack after all. She decides to dump him. (Have the participants pull the 2 biscuits apart and hold it up to see.)

4. Ask participants what they see when they separate the sandwich biscuit. Some of the vanilla or chocolate cream has been transferred onto the other piece of biscuit.

5. Explain that the progression of physical intimacy may not be as fast/intense as how it happened in this story, but one thing can very easily lead to another.

6. Explain that sex creates a bond that changes the parties involved. Just like the piece of biscuit with the vanilla and chocolate cream, both parties leave a part of themselves with each other. Even when they try to go separate ways, the marks they’ve made remain.

7. Emphasize that the intense physical and emotional act of sex is safe only within the boundaries of a committed marriage. Sex affirms the commitment a couple professes to each other on their wedding day.

CORE ACTIVITY
Activity 3: Sticky Situation

Objective

To demonstrate the permanence of the bond formed during sexual intimacy.

Necessities

• 1 set of blue and pink paper pre-glued together
• 1 set of loose sheets of blue and pink paper (optional)
• Glue

Instructions

1. If you are starting with the loose sheets of blue and pink paper, glue the blue and pink pieces of paper together.

2. Show participants the freshly-glued or pre-glued set of paper. Explain that when two people have sex, the body releases a hormone called oxytocin, represented here by the glue. This hormone creates a strong bond between them (for more information on what oxytocin is, please see Extra Content – Oxytocin at the end of this activity).

3. When the glue has dried, try to pull the paper apart. No matter how carefully you try to separate the sheets, a clean split cannot be made – parts of each sheet stick to the other.

4. Explain that sexual activity leads to a bond that encompasses the whole person, and is strengthened by the release of oxytocin. The emotional consequences of premarital sex are due, in part, to the breaking of a bond that is not only physical, but emotional, spiritual, and hormonal as well.

5. Emphasize that such an intimate act as sex is safe only within the boundaries of a committed marriage. The bond that is created by physical intimacy is the glue that strengthens the commitment a couple professes to each other on their wedding day.

Extra Content

Activity 4: Does ________ Count As Sex?

Objective

To help participants understand the lead-up to sexual intercourse.

Instructions

1. Ask all the participants to stand. For each statement, participants who answer “yes” should sit down while those who answer “no” will remain standing.

2. Statement: “Would you say you “had sex” with someone if the most intimate activity you engaged in was ________?”

• Prolonged Kissing: Mouth-to-mouth kissing that involves the tongue as well (also known as
  French kissing)
• Necking: Passionate, prolonged kissing anywhere from the shoulders up; may sometimes result in bruises known as “hickies” or love-bites
• Petting: Caressing the clothed body of the other person while kissing (eg, the abdomen, but not including the genitals)
• Heavy Petting: Caressing the unclothed body of the other person while kissing, including the genitals
• Mutual Sex Play: Any sexual foreplay that simulates sexual intercourse, but stops short of actual penetration; includes oral sex, mutual masturbation, stripping, dry-humping, etc.
• Sexual Intercourse: When actual vaginal penetration takes place

3. If the majority of participants think that it is only considered “sex” at the point of sexual intercourse and not everything else before that (cuddling without their clothes on or heavy petting), chances are they would draw the line/boundary only at a very advanced stage of physical intimacy.

4. Many teens believe they can do “anything but…” and still be “technically a virgin”. Why is this unwise? What are the odds that most teens will stop just before intercourse?

• Sexual intimacy happens not only on a physical level – there are emotional (your feelings), ethical (values and consequences), social (the way you relate to others), and intellectual (evaluation and making of choices) aspects as well. Oxytocin is released during arousal, causing an automatic attachment and bonding. This means that even if sex is supposed to be “no strings attached” on an emotional level, attachment happens anyway biologically.

Activity 5: Stages of Bonding

Objective

To help participants see the different stages of intimacy in a relationship through which bonding develops

Necessities

• 2 sets of “Stages of Bonding” tags
• 20 volunteers (10 guys and 10 girls) + 2 additional guy and girl volunteers who join in towards the end of the activity

Instructions

1. Have the volunteers stand in all-guys and all-girls groups with sufficient space between the groups to form a line.

2. Distribute one set of cards to the girls, and one set to the guys. Each volunteer should wear one tag, which they should display prominently for the rest to see.

3. Within their groups, get the volunteers to line themselves up according to the sequence they think a relationship progresses.

4. When they are done, compare the arrangements of the guy-group and girl-group.

5. Ask the extra guy volunteer to stand at the point on the guy-line where a friendship crosses over to a relationship, representing where the line should be drawn. Do likewise for the extra girl volunteer.

6. The guys may draw the line after considerable physical contact like “hand to waist”, whereas for girls, “hand to hand” would normally represent holding hands in a relationship.

7. Discuss the similarities and differences in perceptions and expectations of physical intimacy between the two sexes.

Dr. Desmond Morris, author of “Intimate Behavior,” points out that couples must move through stages of intimacy if they want to develop a permanent commitment to each other, beginning with the most casual contact and moving through categories of increasing familiarity.

• 1. Eye to body
• 2. Eye to eye
• 3. Voice to voice
• 4. Hand to hand
• 5. Hand to shoulder
• 6. Hand to waist
• 7. Face to face
• 8. Hand to body
• 9. Touching below the waist
• 10. Sexual Intercourse
• *For the purpose of this activity, two stages (“hand to head” and “mouth to breast”) have been removed. [This activity is adapted from The 12 Stages of Bonding, Life on the Edge, Chapter 6, pages 88-93, © 1995, by Dr. James Dobson.]

Why do we need to move systematically and slowly through the stages of bonding?

• A simple example would be when you try to play with a model airplane or house that you glued together before it dries. When you do so, all the parts of the model will fall off. But, if you give it time dry, the strength of the dry glue will keep the model together.
• When later stages are reached prematurely, such as when couples kiss passionately on the first date or have sexual intercourse before marriage, something precious is lost in the relationship. It will weaken your future marriage and undermine the stability of the family.

CORE ACTIVITY
Activity 6: How Far is Too Far?

Objective

To help participants make an informed choice on where to draw the line for physical intimacy in a relationship.

Necessities

• Tea-light
• Sparkler
• Matches

Instructions

1. Explain that it is important to know how the human being is designed for physical intimacy.

2. Show “How Far is Too Far?” slide:

• Sexual feeling increases with physical intimacy
• Ask: Knowing that this is how we are physically wired, where would you draw the line in intimacy?

Where is the point of no return?

• The point of no return is when the brain is overwhelmed (an instant “high,” similar to consuming drugs and alcohol) and the hormones take over. This usually starts with prolonged kissing, which can very quickly progress to sexual intercourse.

3. Pick one or two questions to ask:

• Each person has the capacity for self-control. If a couple chooses abstinence until marriage, at what point do you think it is appropriate to cut off physical intimacy?
• Holding hands? Necking? Petting? Heavy petting? Why or why not?
• Sexual intimacy builds. Usually, holding hands will progress to kissing, which can lead to prolonged kissing and then to necking. If a couple has not established boundaries at the beginning of their relationship, what could happen?

4. Remind participants that when a relationship ends, a couple who has been very physically intimate or sexually active cannot make a clean split emotionally (as shown in “Sticky Situation” and “Cookie Mix” activities). They have given a part of themselves away. Review the five developmental aspects mentioned in the “The Human Body” activity in Unit 1: intellectual, social, emotional, physical, and ethical – of the human person to remind them that sexual activity is not just a physical act.

Ask participants to turn to their handbook and draw a vertical line at the point in the graph where they would personally draw the line in a physical relationship.

You’re going too far when

• Your hands start to roam and explore
• You start to remove clothing
• You do something you wouldn’t do around someone you respect
• You arouse feelings that undermine your ability to make sensible decisions

Activity 1: If Pillows Could Talk

Objective

To demonstrate to participants what the web of consequences of premarital sex looks like in real life.

Necessities

• Bed sheet
• Tags labeled with names (girl’s and boy’s). Behind or in front of the name tags, write down these letters and ? (as shown below) at the bottom right corner.

Examples:

• 18 participants, preferably 9 girls and 9 boys
• 18 pieces of strings (about 1 meter each)
• “If pillows could talk” slides

Instructions

1. Give a name tag to each volunteer, giving the ones with girl’s names to the girls and the boys names to boys.

2. Spread out the bed sheet flat on the floor at the front of the room. Make sure that there is plenty of space for the volunteers to stand on.

3. Tell them that when they hear their “name” being called out, they should come forward and stand on the bed sheet.

4. Start reading aloud to the group:

• “This is a love story between Sue and John.
• (Sue and John stand on the bed sheet)
• Sue and John have been dating for four months. They feel their relationship is progressing to the point of having premarital sex, but they have not discussed their sexual history.
• But the story REALLY begins with Mary and Rob.
• (Have Sue and John step to the side, one to the left and the other to the right of the sheet. Mary and Rob stand on the bed sheet)
• Mary and Rob had premarital sex for five months of their relationship.
• (Have Mary and Rob hold on to the ends of a string to represent a sexual connection).
• During that time, Rob got involved in IV drug use and cheated on Mary by sleeping with Patti and Carol.
• (Without letting go of the string Rob is holding with Mary, have Rob hold another two strings with his other hand to connect with Patti and Carol)
• What Rob did not know is that Mary had been previously sexually active with Joe.
• (Without letting go of the string Mary is holding with Rob, have Mary hold another string with her other hand to connect with Joe).
• Rob had never asked about the sexual history of Patti and Carol. If he had, he would have found out that Carol had slept with Jeff and Ronnie, and Patti had slept with Todd.
• (Without letting go of the string Carol is holding with Rob, have Carol hold another two strings with her other hand to connect with Jeff and Ronnie; Without letting go of the string Patti is holding with Rob, have Patti hold another string with her other hand to connect with Todd).
• Todd’s sexual history included having slept with Cindy. Ronnie’s history included having slept with Julie and Jeannie.
• (Without letting go of the string Todd is holding with Patti, have Todd hold another string with his other hand to connect with Cindy. Without letting go of the string Ronnie is holding with Carol, have Ronnie hold another two strings with his other hand to connect with Julie and Jeannie)
• When Mary found out that Rob was unfaithful she got angry, broke up with him, and slept with Steve shortly after the breakup.
• (Without letting go of the string Mary is holding with Rob and Joe, have Mary hold another string to connect with Steve)
• Mary did not know about the sexual history of Steve. Steve had slept with Ann and Eileen.
• (Without letting go of the string Steve is holding with Mary, have Steve hold another 2 strings with his other hand to connect with Ann and Eileen)
• Eileen slept with Gary sometime after she had slept with Steve. She also had skin-to-skin genital contact, though without intercourse, with Peter.
• (Without letting go of the string Eileen is holding with Steve , have Eileen hold another 2 strings with her other hand to connect with Gary and Peter -even though Eileen did not have intercourse with Peter, their skin-to-skin contact is considered a sexual connection)
• Remember that this was supposed to be a love story between Sue and John.
• (Have Sue and John step back onto the sheet wherever they can find a space)
• How are they connected to these people standing on the bed sheet?
• Julie (have Julie raise her hand to indicate where she is on the bed sheet) had slept with John.
• (Without letting go of the string Julie is holding with Ronnie, have Julie hold another string with her other hand to connect with John)
• Sue never had sexual intercourse, but she had been physically intimate with Gary, having had skin-to-skin genital contact.
• (Without letting go of the string Gary is holding with Eileen, have Gary hold another string with his other hand to connect with Sue. Even though Sue did not have intercourse with Gary, their skin-to-skin contact is considered a sexual connection).

5. At this point, ask the participants who have HI on the bottom right-hand corner of their name tag to raise their hands. Tell them that HI stands for HIV and those who raised their hands represent those who are now infected with HIV. You can proceed to read some quick facts about HIV. If time permits, you can explain what their other letters (CH, HP, TR) means and read out the quick facts about those STIs.

You can highlight the following observations:

• Sue did not need to have sexual intercourse to contract an STI.
• John had contracted HIV through sleeping with Julie, who had slept with Ronnie, who was infected with the virus.
• As for those who don’t have an STI, while you may be relieved now, remember that some STIs are asymptomatic and may only be detected much later. Even if an STI has not “shown up”, it can still be transmitted. If you have been sexually active, the only way to know whether you’re disease-free is to get tested.

6. Show the slide that demonstrates the intricate web of relationships and how the various STIs were transmitted.

• Sex was never meant to kill you.

All it takes is one sexual encounter to acquire an STI or HIV. The level of intimacy in sex is meant for one. On your wedding day, when it’s supposed to be just you and your new husband/wife, do you really want to get into bed with the sexual history of 17 other people?

You may include a slide visual of Time magazine’s article, A Snapshot of Teen Sex, dated Feb 14, 2003, to show that this happens in real life. In this particular study of a U.S. high school, many students had only one or two romances but were nonetheless exposed to a web of 288 students, putting them at risk of contracting an STI simply because of the sexual partners their partners had.

CORE ACTIVITY
Activity 2: Stir and Mix

Objective

To help participants understand having premarital sex includes risks from all former sexual partners.

Necessities

• Small plastic cups for each participant
• Water
• White vinegar
• Baking soda in pepper shakers

Instruction

1. Prepare beforehand one cup for each participant:

• Fill three-quarters of the cups with water (half-cup) and one-quarter of the cups with white vinegar (half-cup).
• Mark the cups of vinegar with a small black dot.

2. Randomly give each participant a cup and ask them to move around the room to pour and mix the “water” in their cup with that of other participants. Do not tell participants that some of the cups contain vinegar.

3. Let them continue for 2-3 minutes before asking the participants to return to their seats with their cups.

4. Facilitators go around the room to shake some baking soda into every cup.

5. Bubbles will appear in the cups that contain vinegar. (This will represent almost all who have pour and mix with one another)

• Ask participants who noticed bubbles in their cups to raise their hands – they represent those who are now infected with an STI.

6. Ask participants who are holding cups marked with the small black dot to stand. Explain to the class that the participants standing represent those who already had an STI, and had passed the infection on to others as they went around mixing their cups of “water”. (Those with bubbles in their cups should be more than those whose cups have a black dot.)

7. Point out that participants may have “had sex” (mixed their “water”) with only one person, but that person could have “had sex” with two other people who in turn had multiple sexual partners.

• Discreetly ask a few participants not to participate in this activity, (ie, do not allow the “water” from other cups to be mixed with theirs). They would represent those who have chosen not to engage in premarital sex and are not at risk of contracting an STI.

Remember: You sleep with every person that your partner has slept with. Premarital sex includes risks from all former sexual partners.

CORE ACTIVITY
Activity 3: Web of Consequences

Objective

To help participants reflect on the many consequences of engaging in premarital sex.

OPTION 1

Necessities

• Whiteboard/flip chart
• Markers

Instructions

1. On the whiteboard/flip chart, write the phrase “Consequences of Premarital Sex”.

2. Get participants to suggest possible consequences if they engage in premarital sex. As they shout out their answers, write them on the board.

3. If there are any missing items from this web of consequences, suggest it to the group and add them to the board as well.

4. After listing all the possible consequences of premarital sex, explain that you will be looking at each of these consequences together, so that they understand why and where they should draw their boundaries when it comes to sex.

Facilitator Note:

• For better content flow, start with emotional consequences, followed by pregnancy, and then STIs.
• Engage the participants by giving them space to share what they already know.
• Facilitate the activity by asking leading questions, providing missing information, and correcting misconceptions.

The success of this activity depends on the facilitator’s ability to engage the participants without talking down or getting caught up in feeding information.

Choose the alternative below if the group is not as forthcoming in suggesting possible consequences of premarital sex.

OPTION 2

Necessities

• 22 volunteers
• 3 cards: the blue “Emotional Consequences” card, red “Pregnancy” card, and purple “Sexually Transmitted Infections” card
• 19 cards containing: the 5 “Emotional Consequences”, 3 “Pregnancy”, 8 “STIs” and 3 “STI-related” cards

Instructions

1. Show the “Web of Consequences: Consequences of Premarital Sex” slide.

2. Have 3 volunteers hold up the “Emotional Consequences”, “Pregnancy” and “STIs” cards, standing at different parts of the room to allow for space.

3. Distribute the remaining 19 cards to the volunteers.

4. At “Go”, volunteers must race to stand with one of the 3 volunteers, depending on which category of consequences their card belongs to.

5. Review the groupings, starting with Emotional Consequences, then Pregnancy, lastly STIs. Leave the 3 STI-related consequence-cards to the very last, emphasizing that it doesn’t just stop at STIs. There are more health risks involved with STIs.

6. Explain to the group that references will be made to this web of consequences as they progress into the unit.

Going Deeper

Sex – No Strings Attached?

Emotional Consequences

• [Adapted from: Lickona, T. (2007) 10 emotional dangers of premature sexual involvement. The Fourth and Fifth Rs: Respect and Responsibility, 13(2): 1 – 6.] https://www.jstor.org/stable/42001755

1. Desensitization
Premarital sex not only causes us to lose our self-respect, it also changes who we are as a person. Casual sex desensitizes us to the feelings of others. Just like how our fingers stop hurting after we have been playing the guitar for some time because of the calluses, we eventually become immune to the pricking of our conscience. Sex becomes more about self-gratification and less about what it costs and how it affects others.

2. Regret
Despite the sexual liberalism that is prevalent in today’s society, many girls end up hoping the guy they slept with would call, even if it was a mutually agreed one-night stand. Guys too, are not exempt from a sense of regret, especially when a previously beautiful relationship was destroyed because they engaged in sexual activity.

Guilt may arise through the pricking of the conscience after the act. For others, guilt stems from the person’s religious convictions. Guilt can come when a premarital pregnancy is terminated by abortion. Although the immediate response may be a strong sense of relief, the long-term effects of abortion usually include regret and guilt. This will be covered more extensively later.

3. Worry
As we will see later, no form of contraceptive can provide 100% protection. There will always be a risk of getting pregnant or infected with one or more STIs. Thus, engaging in premarital sex can result in anxiety arising from this uncertainty.

4. Fear of commitment
Young people who feel betrayed after the breakup of a sexual relationship may have difficulty trusting others in future relationships. Having been “burned” once, they are afraid of being “burnt” again.

5. Loss of self-esteem and self-respect
This often follows regret and may even give rise to a sense of self-loathe. Shame can arise from feelings of being used, contracting an STI, acting on impulse, or giving in to pressure or temptation.

Even oral sex can cause girls to lose their self-respect. Some girls think that initiating or giving oral sex is giving the guy what he wants while avoiding getting pregnant. However, the facts about oral sex remain:

• A guy who truly respects the girl or cares for her will not ask for oral sex;
• Many STIs can be transmitted through oral sex;
• Engaging in oral sex can result in the same feelings of being used; and
• A guy who is getting girls to give him oral sex is disrespectful.

Most teens say they dream of being happily married one day. How does premarital sex affect marriage negatively?

Firstly, there may be a tendency, whether intentional or not, to compare your spouse with your previous partners. Sometimes, there may be flashbacks (mental images of previous partners) that can be damaging to marital sexual intimacy.

Secondly, there is a greater risk of infidelity. If we haven’t learned to say “no” to temptation before marriage, how do we expect to be able to say “no” after?

Outside of marriage, sex can ruin a good relationship. This is especially true when the focus of the relationship changes from getting to know each other to sex. Other aspects of the relationship stop growing, negative emotions ensue, and the relationship is damaged.

But I’m not the emotional sort. It won’t affect me, right?

These emotional consequences do not just happen to people who are “more emotionally vulnerable”. While a person can be aware or unaware of their emotions, or could suppress them with their mind, unacknowledged emotions usually find a way to surface eventually in other ways. The fact is that the human body has mechanisms which help to create emotional bonds between people. This is achieved primarily through the release of oxytocin, the hormone that enhances emotional bonding.

Because oxytocin is released regardless of whether it is sex in marriage or a one-night stand, there is no such thing as “sex with no strings attached.” There will always be an emotional connection created.

Activity 4: The Preborn Child

Objective

To help participants understand that handling a teenage pregnancy involves making a serious decision about another human life.

Necessities

• Plastic pre-born baby with accompanying card

Instructions

1. Put up the “The Preborn Child” slide.

2. You could start by holding the baby in a closed fist or taking it out from the pocket to make the point about how small the fetus is at around 14 weeks. Yet, in this tiny body:

Week 3

• Heart is beating

Week 11

• Squints and swallows
• Can make a fist
• Has fingerprints
• Sensitive to heat, touch, light, and noise
• Sucks thumb
• All body systems working
• Weighs about 28g/ measures 6.3 – 7.6cm long

3. Put up the “At Week 18” slide, and explain to the participants that by this time, the gender of the baby can be clearly seen.

4. Put up the “At Week 22” slide. Hair is visible on the head and body, and the baby can now feel pain. From this point to Week 32, pain is felt by the baby more intensely than at any time of development.

5. Put up the “At Week 28” slide. Tell participants that at this point, should the baby be born
prematurely, he is fully capable of surviving with the help of intensive care.

6. Tell participants that if they choose to engage in premarital sex, there is a chance of them getting pregnant, and they will have to make a decision about what they want to do with this life. ASK: Is pregnancy just a girl-issue? How does it affect the guys? It is not just a girl-issue! Guys also share the responsibility that comes with bringing a child into this world and are not spared the emotional struggles that come with making such a big decision.

Activity 5: My Body

Objective

To demonstrate to participants how HIV affects the human body.

Necessities

• Tags with pre-made labels
• 6 volunteers (For best effect, ask the group to choose those who are more dramatic)

Instructions

1. Get 6 volunteers to dramatize the skit below. Assign each of them with a role identified by the tag:

• My Body (a tall, healthy-looking person)
• White Blood Cell (WBC: a strong, agile boxer/protector)
• HIV (a mean, menacing villain)
• Cough
• Fever
• Diarrhea

2. Arrange the characters in their positions:

• The scene begins with My Body standing center stage looking very happy. Next to My Body, WBC hops about like a boxer, punching the air, trying to protect My Body from all intruders offstage. To the side, the remaining cast members await their cues.

3. Start narrating to the group: “This is My Body. (Point to My Body.)

4. Explain to the class that as HIV develops into AIDS, the body’s immune system (white blood cells) loses its ability to fight off other diseases and, eventually, those other diseases kill the defenseless body.

ALTERNATIVE ACTIVITY
Activity 5: My Body

Objective

To demonstrate to participants how HIV affects the human body.

Necessities

• A small box / transparent jar (representing My Body)
• Small stones (representing Flu, Cough, Fever, Diarrhea)
• Tissue (a few pieces tied with a rubber band around the mouth of the jar (presenting WBC)
• Water (representing HIV)

Instructions

1. Explain to participants that the jar represents your body and the tissue, represents your White Blood Cells (WBC).

2. When Flu, Cough, Fever, or Diarrhea tries to enter our body (place the small stones on the tissue),
WBC will protect our body. Even though we are sick, we will heal quickly.

3. But when HIV tries to enter our body (pour some water on the tissue), it does not immediately attack our body, but it attacks and weakens our WBC. That’s why a person who has HIV can seem normal with no symptoms.

4. After this, when we are infected with Flu, Cough, Fever, or Diarrhea, (place the stones on the surface of the wet tissue), they can easily enter our body because our WBC has been weakened. This time, we don’t heal as well and then eventually succumb to serious illnesses and infections.

When HIV develops into AIDS, the body’s immune system (white blood cells) loses its ability to fight off other diseases and, eventually, those other diseases kill the defenseless body.

HIV/AIDS

Perhaps the most devastating of the STIs is HIV/AIDS.

What is HIV?

• HIV stands for Human Immunodeficiency Virus. A person who has been infected with HIV will not know that he is infected unless he gets himself tested, because HIV does not always present with symptoms. When it does, the infected person usually dismisses it as a common flu or some other illness. Once infected, the virus spreads through the person’s blood, slowly but surely, killing off the immune system and rendering the person vulnerable to other diseases. There is no cure for HIV, although the person’s lifespan and quality of life can be improved through anti-retroviral drugs.

What is AIDS?

• AIDS stands for Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome. AIDS is not a separate disease from HIV; rather, it is the final, full-blown stage of the infection. When someone’s infection has reached this stage, his or her immune system is extremely compromised, and a simple flu may quickly turn into a serious pneumonia, leading to death.

How is HIV spread? HIV is spread when it enters the bloodstream. This can occur through:

1. Sexual Fluids

• Sexual contact with an infected person

2. Blood

• Blood transfusions from HIV-positive donor
• Sharing needles or syringes with an infected person
• Body/ear piercing, tattooing, circumcision rites to manhood, blood-mixing rituals
• Open sores

3. Mother to Baby

• Infected mother to infant during pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding